Kym Kemp’s Misplaced Hatred

I like seeing my work in respectable publications like the North Coast Journal and the Anderson Valley Advertiser, and on popular websites like LoCO, but there’s something unique, and uniquely satisfying about the way I present my work on my blog, Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do (www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com). I don’t make any money from my blog, but I also don’t spend any money to produce it, and even though I have other outlets for my work, I still enjoy putting it together, as a labor of love, for the thousands of people who come back to read it week after week. I don’t own the domain name. I have no control over any advertisements you see while you are there, but at my blog, I can say whatever I want, and have fun with how I present it.

I understand that the internet is a weapon. It is a tool of war, and a tool of oppression. Any useful information you find on it is incidental to it’s purpose, and it probably only saved you a trip to the library, but you have and will pay dearly for that convenience. I don’t enjoy being online at all. I find the internet vulgar, vapid and voyeuristic, and I don’t have to spend very long online before I’m disgusted, pissed off, and disappointed in humanity, but the internet has become the most affordable way for one individual to reach a large number of people, provided you are willing to compromise quality for convenience. Despite the drawbacks, I find some aspects of digital technology, interesting, creatively and aesthetically, and despite my very limited internet access, and even more limited expertise, I do my best to put together the kind of blog that I would enjoy reading, if, God forbid, I ever became bored enough to read a blog.

One aspect of the digital arts that interests me is how easy digital technology makes it to re-contextualize old cultural elements into new artistic expressions. I’ve been into collage since before the days when I made photocopied collage fliers to promote my band’s gigs, and lately, half of the new music I hear seems to be made, almost entirely, from bits of old records remixed together. To me, the one real highlight of the whole crass, ugly, pixilated wasteland we call the internet, is it’s vast potential for juxtaposition.

It was in that spirit that I began adding photos to my blog posts. I added pictures for aesthetic reasons, and for no other. Since I wasn’t making money, I didn’t worry about legalities. When I started www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com I saw the opportunity to re-contextualize photos, memes and cartoons into my essays, and found that it added another dimension to the experience. There is no way I would pay for pictures, and I don’t even have enough time online to ask permission. I add photos and pictures only because the internet makes it easy and convenient. Since we lose the directness of face to face communication and all of the non-verbal cues that go with it, in an online environment, the ability to share a low-resolution reproduction of practically any image in the world seems like an odd but reasonable trade-off to me.

In order to be re-contextualized, these images must first be de-contextualized. That is why I do not attribute most of the pictures I use on my blog. Just because I want to use a picture of a lion, that doesn’t mean I want you to go to the zoo, or even the zoo’s website. I have chosen those pictures to illustrate the ideas conveyed in the text, and that is all I want them to do. That’s why I choose to add pictures to my blog in the way that I do, and that’s the way I intend to continue to do it.

Is this legal? I think that’s a gray area that depends on the definition of “fair use,” and a slew of other thorny legal technicalities. I’m sure we could litigate it for years. Fortunately for me, however, it has never been an issue. After seven years, and thousands of pictures, no one has ever complained about the way I used their work. That is, except for one person, Kym Kemp, of kymkemp.com, the Redheaded Blackbelt.

 

 

Kym has asked me to remove her pictures from my blog a couple of times. I make a point of avoiding Kym’s pictures because I know that she doesn’t like me to use them, but on occasion, one of her pictures will show up in a google search, on another site, and I will use it, not knowing that it is hers. What can I say? I write a lot about SoHum, and she takes a lot of great pictures of SoHum. Sometimes her work is hard to avoid. When this happens, and she tells me about it, I’m always quick to remove the picture, and replace it with something else, but last week, Kym got all self-righteous on me.

Kym Kemp told me “I hate what you do.” She told me it was “wrong,” that I was ripping off struggling artists and photographers, and that I am “freeloading.” Give me a fucking break! This, from the woman who could never admit that there was anything wrong with “Mom and Pop growers” exploiting the violence and racism of the War on Drugs, “just to put new tires on their old truck.” Kym would never condemn SoHum’s Drug War profiteers, on principle, but she has the nerve to berate me for my creative re-appropriation of digital images online. I think that’s a truly Trumpian level of hypocrisy.

 

…and on the topic of ripping off artists, I’ll bet that if you asked all of the artists and photographers who’s work I have used over the years, and gave them this choice:

  1. I John Hardin will graciously remove their image from my blog, and give them all of the income I have received for putting it together, or
  2. Kym Kemp, will give them back half of the money they spent on overpriced black market marijuana because of the War on Drugs.

I’ll bet Kym Kemp would still be the only one who wanted me to remove an image from my blog.

It isn’t wrong if nobody gets hurt. Nobody ever died in a shootout over my blog. Nobody ever went to jail because of my blog. Nobody ever had a gun stuck in their face, or their kid’s face, because of my blog. My blog didn’t wreck the economy, destroy the forest or create the housing crisis. My blog doesn’t keep women as slaves, or rape women who come here looking for work. My blog doesn’t sell meth or heroin to your kids. People don’t go hungry because of my blog and my blog does not take food out Kym Kemp’s mouth. Maybe Kym Kemp should find someone else in Southern Humboldt who’s deeds are a little more deserving of her expressed hatred.

Some Unfinished Business From 2014

unfinished business

Last year got so hectic towards the end, that I haven’t gotten around to cleaning house here at LYGSBT until now. This week, I’m clearing out all of the images I’ve collected throughout 2014, in the course of creating for you, the finest possible blogging experience.

blog post with no images

From time to time, I find images that I really like, but don’t quite fit blog the post I’m illustrating at the time. By the end of the year, that folder contains a lot of such pictures, and before I back that folder up and delete it from my hard drive, I share them with you, as an excuse for taking a week off of writing. Here goes:

HereGoesSomethingLet’s start with this one:

why denmarkOK sure, people in Denmark are happy, but you’d think they could find shoes that match.

wrong turnDo you think people in Denmark are happier than this charming, obviously American, couple?

wrong wayIf you plan to fly to Denmark, bring a pillow…

utopolis-cinemas-reality-sucks…but flying has its hazards.

DWRECK_WIW_FRANK151.pngSo, you might as well hang around awhile.

end the violenceSorry, I guess that last image was a bit intense.  I didn’t mean to shock you.

safe bikeI guess you can’t be too careful, and it helps to read the signs, or you might find yourself up…

shit creekwithout a paddle…

no…but it could be worse.  You might find yourself here:

weiner cutoffor here:

Dysfunction-Junction-If so, I hope you know where you’re going.

confused..and that you eventually join us here:

hippy traffic jam1

just look out for:

tripping hippie warningbecause he’s probably on:

lsd

But maybe you just want to get away from it all, and go somewhere more secluded:

private sign

I saw some amazing Halloween costumes this year:

penis vagina costume

tampon  nunchucks

diaper man

mermaid girl

taco cat

…and a few costumes intended for other holidays:

bloody easter bunny I guess the Easter Bunny has been busy.

fuckem easter..and here’s a modern take on a Christmas favorite:

santaatvspeaking on Christmas, we should always remember the “reason for the season”

franken xmasSo, join us in celebrating.

for lease navidad

Of course, if you are on drugs, every day is a holiday.

dali quote

why dog…but where are the drugs?

vaginas arewell break ’em out!

new-paris-hilton-barbie-dollnow we’re partying!!

panda cat bong

smoking dog

Yes, drugs can be fun, but be careful, or you might start to see some really weird shit. Like this:

picture unrelatedor this:

milk is a natural

or this:

cannibalism-shrink wrapped

or this:

cats have coffee

Take it from me…

ive seen some weird shit

Well… That’s it for 2014.

thanks i guessDid you like it?

free shrugsOh well.   I’ll be back with another post next week.

sametimenextweek

Celebrating Three Years of Stoned Thinking at lygsbtd

stoned hominid

Today we celebrate the biting social criticism, the outside-the-box perspective and the occasional joke that you’ve come to know as Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do. For the last 156 weeks, I’ve brought you Humboldt County’s funniest, most irreverent and intellectually challenging blog. I realize I don’t have a lot of competition in those areas, but it’s nice to be the big fish in a very small pond. I just hope some dope yuppie doesn’t decide to drain it, to water his marijuana crop.

water pot plants

Speaking of marijuana, which we never stop doing here in Humboldt County, if marijuana is a consciousness expanding drug, how do you explain all of the small minded people in Humboldt County? Yes, we have plenty of marijuana around here, but not nearly enough stoned ideas.

stoned brilliant

Anywhere else, people spend enormous amounts of money on small quantities of marijuana, just so they can think stoned thoughts. Here, we have plenty of marijuana, and all people think about is money. That’s why lygsbtd is so vital to this community. Without stoned ideas, Humboldt County is just West Virginia with pot farms instead of coal mines.

west virginia

Here at lygsbtd, I know that marijuana is for getting high, not for getting rich. No one gets rich from marijuana; people get rich from prohibition. While drug-war profiteers drain salmon streams and destroy habitat just to squeeze a few more drops of blood from prohibition as it heaves its last dying gasp, I use marijuana as fertilizer, to raise a bumper crop of stoned ideas, because stoned ideas have the power to change the world. That’s why I started lygsbtd, wayyyy back in May of 2011.

wayback machine

Stoned ideas matter. Stoned ideas matter, because stoned ideas are natural ideas. Stoned ideas tell the truth because stoned ideas are too stoned to lie. You don’t learn stoned ideas in school. You don’t get stoned ideas from advertizing, and you sure won’t hear stoned ideas from politicians. You might find stoned ideas in books, hear them in music or read them in blogs like this one, but you’ll only recognize a stoned idea if you are stoned enough yourself.

stoned enough

On the auspicious occasion of the third anniversary of this blog Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do, I hereby renew my sacred vow to keep stoned ideas alive, and I ask you, Dear Reader to do the same. These days, our minds face a constant assault from toxic, synthetic corporate concepts, pop-media junk thoughts and stale old-fashioned prejudices. Only by vigorously thinking stoned thoughts can we protect ourselves from developing a crippling thought disorder, like Beatlemania, Libertarianism, or Christianity.

beatlemania

We need stoned thoughts, and we need each other. Every time you read one of these posts, stoned thinking grows stronger. Every time you read a post at lygsbtd, the forces of darkness diminish. Every sentence you read here liberates a consciousness from the slavery of corporate brainwashing. Thank you Dear Reader for making this blog a beacon of stoned thinking, shining unto the world.

Lighthouse1

Every week, thousands of you, from all over the English speaking world, park your browsers at this URL. Even though you can’t be bothered to leave a comment, or even click the goddamned “like” button, I know from my statistics that you are out there, staring silently, impassively, like rubbernecking gawkers at a bad traffic accident, looking for blood.

rubbernecking

…And I give it to you. Every week I open this vein. Every week I pour myself out for you, because I know thirst. I know what it is like to search for stoned ideas, for kindred spirits, for signs of life among the ruins of our shattered culture. I know how barren, vapid and desolate the internet is. I know that you need this blog, and cling to it the way a drowning man clings to a life preserver.

life preserver

That’s why I never miss a week.  I see the impact that lygsbtd has on people’s lives. For instance:

impact

1. Two years in a row, lygsbtd has ranked in the top 5 blogs in Humboldt County in the North Coast Journal’s “Best of Humboldt” readers poll.
2. Posts from this blog have been republished in such diverse outlets as Fifth Estate Magazine, Vermont Progressives, Thai Style Living and Lost Coast Outpost.
3. If you “google” lygsbtd, you’ll find at least 9 pages of web results that reference this blog.

web impact

This blog matters, and because this blog matters to you, it matters to me.

laughing matters
So, as we move into the fourth year of lygsbtd, let’s make a mountain of this molehill.

molehill

Email your favorite lygsbtd post to a friend who may not have discovered it yet. Share a lygsbtd post on fb.

share nice

Tweet about something you read here.

like share tweet

Don’t just passively consume this blog…

passive consumer

…become a Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do activist.

better activist

Stop sitting on the sidelines gawking at the destruction,

sitting on the sidelines

and help stoned thinking go viral.

go viral not

Share these stoned ideas and help change the world.

change_the_world_

Like you’ve got something better to do.

love-lygsbtd

Bring Me the Head of “Heraldo”

Bring Me the Head of “Heraldo”

 

Well the North Coast Journal finally published its annual “Best of Humboldt” issue, and once again, this blog, “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” made the cut. This year, my blog tied for fourth place with the Humboldt Herald.

 

Frankly, I don’t have time for, or much interest in, reading a lot of other blogs, and I’ve never heard anything good about the Humboldt Herald. So, before today, I’d never even glanced at it. I’d heard that the Humboldt Herald was a cesspool of moronic political bickering, so I assumed that it was Eureka’s answer to Eric Kirk’s blog, SoHum Parlance.

 

Sure enough, who’s name do I see at the top of the page at Humboldt Herald? Eric Kirk’s, but apparently some anonymous joker, who calls himself “Heraldo”, runs the Humboldt Herald. I wouldn’t put my real name on that disease either, were I responsible for it.

 

I didn’t spend a lot of time there, but it looks like the same kind of bland, self-important, rhetorical regurgitation you’d expect from Eric Kirk. I didn’t see one post that I really wanted to read, and what I did read, seemed to me the product of small, narrow minds, without much imagination, so I’m more than a little disappointed to have tied with them.

 

You’ll recall that last year we fought this campaign down to a tie, as well. In 2011, Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do tied with Chocolate Covered Xanax for 5th place. Chocolate Covered Xanax rocks, at least it did then. Well written, with beautiful photographs, Chocolate Covered Xanax has style, humor and elegance. It’s a real class act. I was proud to tie with Chocolate Covered Xanax. Apparently Kristabel has better things to do these days. It’s been a while since she’s updated CCX, which, no doubt, hurt her in this year’s competition. We miss you Kristabel, but that was last year.

 

This year, NCJ readers cast more votes for Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do, and we took a bigger slice of the overall pie, up from 2.5% of the vote to 3.2%, which moved us up in the standings enough to tie for fourth. It’s just a shame that I had to tie with the artless, pointless, senseless idiocy of Eric Kirk, Heraldo and their ilk at the Humboldt Herald.

 

I’m better than that. I mean, I write drivel, but I don’t write that kind of drivel. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that vacuous political agita has a following around here, but the fact that the Humboldt Herald even placed in this contest speaks poorly of North Coast Journal readers.

 

Above us in the poll, no surprises. In first place: Lost Coast Outpost, the online hub of the Ferndale media empire, Lost Coast Communications. With four commercial radio stations feeding it traffic, former NCJ “Town Dandy”, and computer whiz Hank Sims aggressively building it into a local media powerhouse, and now with Redheaded Blackbelt Kym Kemp on the team, Lost Coast Outpost has become Humboldt County’s first source for news and information.

 

In the poll, Lost Coast Outpost took 34.4 percent of the vote, with Kym Kemp’s Redheaded Blackbelt taking another 6.8%, and coming in third on her own. That’s over 41% of the vote for Lost Coast Outpost. Yes, the Lost Coast Outpost, and Lost Coast Communications casts a growing shadow over the media landscape here in Humboldt County.

 

LCC’s KHUM, “Radio Without the Rules” took first place in the “Best Radio Station” category, and another LCC station, KSLG finished second. Both of these commercial stations beat out both of our beloved community radio stations, KHSU and KMUD, which polled third and fourth respectively. As a blogger, I don’t generally consider myself in competition with local news media outlets like Lost Coast Outpost, and LCC, but KMUD is, and I hope that KMUD is up to it, because LCC is clearly growing, and hungry.

 

I couldn’t believe Lost Coast Outpost’s new feature, as hyped by the NCJ. They now have an automatic feed from law enforcement agencies that posts an entry every time a cop arrests someone in Humboldt County. Each post states who got arrested, and what they are charged with. Now, if you get arrested in Humboldt County, Lost Coast Outpost readers will know about it, hours before you even get to make a phone call. Is that creepy or what?

 

I promise you this: if you get arrested in Humboldt County, or anywhere, for that matter, your mother is not going to find out about it by reading my blog. Who wants to monitor a feed of arrests in Humboldt County? What does voting for a site like that, say about NCJ readers? Speaking of which…

 

Second place in the North Coast Journal readers poll, “best blog” category, went to the North Coast Journal’s own “blog thing” which took only 9.1% of the vote. If the North Coast Journal can’t get at least 10% of their own readers to vote for their blog, even though they put full page ads for it in their paper every week, how lame is that?

 

So that’s it, Lost Coast Communications, The North Coast Journal, Heraldo, and me, the best of the blogosphere in Humboldt County, at least according to readers of The North Coast Journal. Besides trending towards the petulant, petty and prying, North-Coast Journal readership tends to skew towards the northern part of the county. They don’t cover us much down here, so we tend to ignore The NCJ in SoHum.

 

Nothing from SoHum won “best of” anything in the NCJ readers poll, and only four SoHum based things even placed in the top five, in any category. I already mentioned Kym Kemp’s Redheaded Blackbelt (third best blog), and KMUD (fourth best radio station). The Mateel Community Center placed fifth in the “best music venue” category, and this blog: Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do, placed fourth in the category of “best blog”, all proudly representing SoHum.

 

Thank you, dear readers, for voting for this blog, and supporting my work here. Enough of you believed in this blog enough, and stood up for what you believe in enough, to give Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do more votes than 99% of all of the blogs in Humboldt County, more votes than any other humor blog, more votes than any other personal blog, more votes than all but two local media outlets, and exactly as many votes as the single most popular political blog in the county.

 

That’s power, people. We went head-to-head against big-money media in cyberspace, and we made the cut. Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do is a player. So what if we tied with a sack of rancid troll bait.

Thank You for Supporting Like You’ve Got Something Better to Do

Thank You for Supporting Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do

To everyone who voted for Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do in the North Coast Journal’s “Best of Humboldt” readers survey, thank you for supporting my campaign. I really appreciate that you took time out of your day to cast a ballot for this blog, and I will continue to work hard for you, delivering the same caliber of pointless drivel that you’ve come to expect from me here at: www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com.

 

I don’t know why it takes the NCJ two weeks to count the ballots, but they can take their sweet time if they want to, after all, its their newspaper. I’ve already gotten more ink out of the NCJ than I expected. The words, “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do is the funniest blog in Humboldt County” appeared in the North Coast Journal two weeks ago, so the truth is out. Despite their vote rigging shenanigans, the NCJ just couldn’t hold this blog down.

 

As far as I’m concerned, we’ve already won this contest, but we’ll see how the vote comes out on Sept. 20. After the “voting irregularities” the supporters of this blog experienced in the balloting phase of this contest, who knows what the NCJ will do, now that they have two weeks alone with all of the ballots. They’re certainly not above suspicion, considering the circumstances.

 

Humboldt County’s world famous Transparency Project doesn’t apply to private surveys like this, and the NCJ rejected my demand that I personally be allowed to monitor the entire ballot sequestration and count, almost as soon as I set up my sleeping bag in their office. With no election observers, we may never know the true will of the people, but on September 20, the NCJ has promised to publish some results, and I’m sure I’ll have something to say about them.

 

Until then, Thank You for reading Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do, and Thank You for voting for Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do as Humboldt’s best blog. You Rock!!!!

Our Finest Hour

Our Finest Hour

My Fellow Americans,

 

Today, we face challenging times. Economic malaise, global environmental meltdown and worldwide political upheaval threaten everything we hold dear. Some would say that times like these demand strong leadership. I say, “Hogwash!”

Strong leadership got us into this mess. Self-confident liars have used our instinctual trust, cooperative nature, and natural compassion against us, and we have paid dearly for our willingness to believe in them. It’s high-time we learned our lesson from those mistakes.

 

We don’t need leaders anymore, because we are not followers. We are not sheep, and will not be led hither and yon by a well-funded political class with its own agenda. We reject the voice of authority, and scoff at the voice of reason.

Instinctively, we know how to navigate these rough seas. We know what to do in a cultural dead-end, like the one we currently face. When things fall apart, and nothing makes any sense anymore, we turn to the things we can count on; drug abuse, kinky sex, and stupid humor, the things we get from each other.

You can count on me for stupid humor, just like I count on you for sex and drugs. We need each other, but today, I need more from you than sex and drugs. Today, I need your vote. Please vote for this blog, “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” in the North Coast Journal’s “Best of Humboldt” reader survey. Today is our last day to inundate the NCJ with votes for this blog, so please, do it right now.

Cast your vote for stupid humor and fresh perspective, today! Go to the NCJ website. Click on the long skinny bar near the top of the page that takes you to the ballot. Click through all of the categories until you get to the last one, number 40, “best blog”. Type in (or cut and paste) “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” into the space next to that category. Then click through the remaining pages until you see the winged kitten. It’s that easy, and takes less than a minute. You’ll be glad you did, but DO IT NOW!!

Don’t throw your vote away on one of the news blogs. Don’t you get way too much news? Isn’t it sick the way they compete to be the first to tell you about the latest grisly traffic fatality or police shooting? Like you don’t have enough trouble in your life, that you can’t wait a few hours, or even a few days, to learn of the death of a stranger.

Yes, journalists like to quote Thomas Jefferson to justify their existence, and hide behind an air of professionalism, but these low-lifes chase ambulances simply to bait the rubbernecker in us with the freshest blood. Journalists pimp human suffering purely for the purpose of indulging our prurient curiosity. Don’t fall for their ruse, and don’t encourage them by voting for a news blog. Instead, vote for “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” in the NCJ “Best of Humboldt” readers survey.

Political blogs are even worse. The idiocy that passes for political debate in this country, and the horse-race style coverage of political campaigns should provide anyone with a gnat’s wit or better, plenty of evidence that democracy has failed. Still, Humboldt’s political blogs, full of pitifully dull posts and littered with moronic comments, continue to fester. I don’t know why anyone would sip the puss from those infections. If I were you, I wouldn’t admit to reading these blogs, let alone vote for them.

Besides news and political blogs, blogs that revolve around recipes and human interest stories suck too. If you read a recipe on line, it might look good, but to really enjoy it, you still have to buy the ingredients, and prepare the dish, and even then, you might not enjoy it. You have to spend the money. You have to do the work. You have to follow their instructions, like some indentured servant, before you get to enjoy anything. They get to tell you what to do. You just do what you are told and eat what they tell you to eat. How pathetic!

Reading a blog is enough work, I say, and I expect something for it. I should get a laugh, a chuckle, a grin, or at least a fresh, if somewhat twisted, perspective, and I shouldn’t have to make a mess of my kitchen in the process. If I spend my time and energy to read something, dammit, I better enjoy it, right now! I write “Like You’ve Got something Better To Do” for people like me; people who hate to read, love to laugh, and demand immediate gratification. If you read “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” regularly, you know that I deliver the goods, week in, and week out.

Today, I ask you to give back a little. Please cast your vote for “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” in the North Coast Journal’s “Best of Humboldt” readers poll. We have entered the very last hours of this campaign. Today, Weds. September 5, at 4pm, the NCJ will close the survey, and they will accept no votes after that time, so please, do not delay, do it today. Cast your vote now.

If you’ve already voted for “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” as Humboldt’s best blog in the 2012 NCJ readers poll, I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Thank you and God Bless America!!!

URGENT!!!! This Blog Needs Your Help

URGENT!!!!

This Blog Needs Your Help!

Dear Friends, Enemies, Frienemies, Colleagues, Acquaintances, Curious Onlookers, Distracted Employees, House-Bound Shut-ins, my Mother, and Anyone Else with nothing better to do. Before I commence the campaign to earn, for this humble endeavor, the distinction of “Best Blog” in Humboldt County, I ask you to reflect on the, over 200, essays posted here at www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com.

 

Forget about all of the times this blog has offended you. Forget about anything you found distasteful, and instead, think only of the enormous black hole of sheer boredom that this blog has relieved in your life. Remember that in the course of the tremendous effort necessary to fill that vast emptiness, sometimes unfortunate things happen. This is not the time to dwell on them.

 

Today. Instead, I ask you to focus on the good things about this blog. If you can’t think of any of those, think about all of the things that this blog has not harmed. I’m sure you can think of at least a few things that this blog has not injured. It’s really not that hard. Just think of all of the things in your life that give you pleasure, and take a moment to appreciate how few of them, this blog has ruined.

 

So I think we can safely say three things about this blog; “Like You’ve Got Something Better to Do” www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com

  1. This blog originates in Humboldt County, California. Take my word on this.

  2. This blog has filled a vast emptiness

  3. This blog has left many things unharmed

Can we really expect more than that from a human endeavor? I think not.

Every single week, for the last 15 months, this blog has provided you with new, boredom-crushing content without ruining your life. Can you say that about your friends, family or spouse? This blog continues to annihilate boredom, and fill that void for someone in this world, every minute of every day, 24-7-365, right up to this very moment RIGHT NOW, and beyond, but today “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com needs your help.

 

It won’t cost you any money, or involve surgery, and it will only take a minute of your time, but PLEASE, IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE TODAY, PLEASE DO THIS. Take one minute to vote for this blog, “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do”, www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com in the North Coast Journal’s “Best of Humboldt” readers poll, in the category of “best blog”. THIS LINK TAKES YOU TO THE NCJ Website.

When you get there, you’ll find “best blog” listed dead last of all of the categories, #40. Just click through the pages until you get to the last one, and type in, (or copy and paste) “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do “ next to the category, “best blog”. Then click through one more page, go to the box labeled “Finish”, at the bottom of the page, click it, and you’re done. That’s it, simple, easy, but PLEASE DO IT. You’ll be glad you did, and it will mean so much to me.

Don’t worry about the other categories. Nobody really cares where the best restroom in Humboldt County is, and you already voted for your elected officials, that’s how they got elected. We don’t need to pick our favorite among them. Think about it: If you have a favorite bar or restaurant, do you really want it to win this contest? Do you want to see every idiot in Humboldt County in front of you in line there? Of course not, so keep it to yourself, but there’s plenty of this blog to go around, and its always here when you need it. No waiting, so please vote for “Like you’ve Got Something Better To Do” in the NCJ reader survey. PLEASE DO IT NOW!

Don’t ask yourself if www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com really is the best blog in Humboldt County. Nothing could be less relevant. Vote for www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com because this blog needs you. I need you. RIGHT NOW, PLEASE! If you value, enjoy, tolerate, or endure this blog regularly, and want to see this blog continue into the future, please vote for “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” as Humboldt’s “best blog”.

Thanks to the wonder of The Internet, you do not have to live in Humboldt County, nor do you have to read the North Coast Journal to vote in this survey. You merely have to cast an online ballot. It will only take a minute, and it will help many people here in Humboldt County who genuinely have nothing better to do. Please help people from Orick to Benbow discover this blog for themselves, and fill their own yawning chasms of boredom. PLEASE VOTE FOR www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com RIGHT NOW!!

Really, how bored does someone have to be to read the North Coast Journal? By the time a person gets bored enough to pick up and read the NCJ, the abyss has already swallowed them whole. North Coast Journal readers need this blog. It can help them, like it helps you, and they deserve to know about it, but you need to care enough to make it happen. PLEASE, HELP YOUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS DISCOVER WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW!!

Like the miracle of the loaves and fishes, we can feed a multitude with this blog if you’ll just share. Don’t pity North Coast Journal readers, help them. Help them discover this blog for themselves. Help them find the blessed relief that they seek. There’s plenty to go around. If we all work together, no one has to go without.

Together, we can make this blog, “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do”, www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com Humboldt’s “Best Blog”. We can open the collective eyes of the county to this rich source of vacuum filling drivel. Just click the link. Please! Cast your ballot for “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” as “best blog” in the North Coast Journal Readers Poll. Do it now.

What are you waiting for? Do your part. It doesn’t cost anything, only takes a minute, and it will help so many people. Really, what have you got to lose? Take a minute to help others discover the pleasures that you enjoy here at “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do”. By taking this small action right now, you can insure that the “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” audience continues to grow, which, in turn, insures that I remain inspired to to fill the void for all of us. Because its all of you, the people responsible for generating tens-of-thousands of page views every month, who inspire me to keep writing week after week.

You need help generating all of those page views, and you’ll need to generate more of them in the future. So take this small step: VOTE FOR “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” in the category of “best blog” in the NCJ readers poll. It will help you. It will help me. It will help bored people all over Humboldt County, and many things will not be harmed. PLEASE CLICK THIS LINK, AND DO IT RIGHT NOW! Thank you!

Does Anyone Remember Laughter

Does Anyone Remember Laughter?

 

Do you remember when this blog used to be funny? You neither huh. I know its been awhile, but just hang in there. Look, it’s summertime, and sometimes I like to pretend like I have a life outside of this blog. I just need a little ME time, OK. It’s not like I don’t still deliver at least one thought-provoking essay every week.

 

My economic advice column: On The Money; Economic Advice for the 99% offers the kind of sound economic counsel that you won’t get from other pundits, the kind of advice you need to make sense of our current economic crisis, and make the decisions that will determine your future. Even though I can’t think of a more absurd or ridiculous subject than economics, I’ll admit that not everything about it is hilarious. You should read On The Money, every week, because the future is at stake, and some things are more important than a cheap laugh. There’s a little extra economic advice that’s On The Money.

 

Still, I really don’t want to lose those readers who don’t give a fuck about the future. Many of you can barely muster enough enthusiasm to get through today, let alone tomorrow, and you look to this blog for a bit of laughter that provides sweet relief from the misery of your pitiful lives. I know how you feel. I mean, I don’t really know how you feel, but if you read this blog regularly, I can’t imagine that you are a happy, well adjusted person. So I sympathize.

 

But really, what do you do for me, besides suck up my creativity? Could you leave a comment, or click the fucking like button once in a while? Is that too much to ask?!? Statistics tell me that over six-thousand people a week visit this site. Every fucking minute of every fucking day, someone is looking at this site, just sitting there, impassively, expecting me to entertain them, or inform them, or provide them with a photograph of a tattooed penis, on demand, 24-7-365, and they want to see new material every week. Even that’s not enough for them, they want new funny material every week.

 

So do I! Do you think I like going through my day without chuckling to myself about something silly. Lately, I’ve been too busy playing with my Bratz drum machine and Barbie keyboard to think of anything funny to write about. Does the irony in that statement count?

 

I have a list of unfunny projects that I absolutely have to get done this summer. I’ve got to split a few cords of firewood. Humor doesn’t help me there. Hatred, rage, and resentment go a long way toward getting that firewood chopped, humor, not so much. You don’t want to know what goes through my mind when I chop firewood, so I’ll keep that to myself.

 

Even the TV networks go into reruns in the summertime, but people still watch them. So cut me some slack. I’ll bet you’ve missed a few good posts in the last 15 months. Here’s a few pieces that I like, but really haven’t gotten the play I think they deserve.

New Courses HSU Should Offer

SoHum Vacation Guide

How to Party Now That the Party’s Over

And please, keep coming back for more.

 

This Blog Celebrates its First Birthday

This Blog Celebrates its First Birthday

 

Almost exactly one year ago, May 20 2011, I posted a few short essays and a poem here at www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com. One year, 185 essays and over 170,000 page views later, I still don’t know what I’m doing here, but now, every minute of every day, over 1,000 times a day, someone visits this blog looking for something.

185 essays in one year! Can you believe it? That’s one every other day. That seems a bit excessive to me. Don’t I have something else to do with my life? Apparently not.

It’s not like this stuff just appears out of thin air. No, there has to be a lot of marijuana smoke in the air for this stuff to appear. That means I spend a lot of time smoking marijuana and staring at a blank sheet of paper, before I remember that I’m supposed to be writing something, and even longer before I remember what on Earth I am supposed to write about. Speaking of which…

What am I supposed to write about? My remote off-the-grid lifestyle imposes some limitations on my subject matter. With no internet connection or phone, I don’t exactly have a world of information at my fingertips, so I don’t write about anything that requires research. I stick to what I know, make up, or hear on the radio. Since I really don’t know that much, and the radio doesn’t give me a whole lot to work with, I rely on my imagination quite a bit. I have a much more interesting life in my imagination, and it gives me plenty to write about. It is where I prefer to spend my time

Still I try to write about stuff that normal people can relate to. Hence the recurring themes of sex, junk food, and economic oppression. I suppose there is more to life than sex, junk food and economic oppression. I just can’t think of anything else right now.

I know some people like to make a big deal out of politics and sports, but they don’t mean anything, change anything, or make any difference in anyone’s life, except for the worse. No, sports and politics just distracts us from the fact that all we have to look forward to in life is sex, junk food, and economic oppression.

So, basically, the way I see it, if you are not getting laid, your life pretty much sucks, but even if you are getting laid, junk food and economic oppression can still get you down, if you don’t find a way to laugh at it. Which is why we are all here, right?

I mean you’re not here because you want your penis tattooed, or because you are looking for a prostitute, or want to see a good image of necrophilia, are you?

 

You are?

Really?

All of you?

Oh well. Here’s to a solid year of online masturbation at http://www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com

Don’t Call Me a Journalist

Don’t Call Me a Journalist

I don’t write this blog to edify. I don’t write this blog to inform. I write this blog to entertain…myself mostly, but a growing number of you seem seem to enjoy it as well. So, when people complain about factual inaccuracies, misleading statements or erroneous deductions, I simply refer them to the blog of someone who gives a fuck.

 

Some people get all bent out of shape about something they call “objective reality” full of things called “hard facts” that we can all agree on. Nothing could be further from reality. These people watch too many court dramas. The real world is nothing like a court trial, and real court trials are nothing like courtroom dramas. “Objective reality” is every bit as imaginary as Law and Order, and “hard facts” are about as relevant as Perry Mason.

 

What matters in the real world is perspective….my perspective. From my perspective I can tell you how it is, in a way that you can recognize as authentic. That’s why no one complains about the factual inaccuracies in this blog. You all know that I’m right, and what I say is true, despite the intentional lies and deception. That’s what’s wrong with journalism, too many fake facts, too much phony objectivity, and not enough real perspective.

 

These college educated news writers all believe they hold some sacred office as journalists, because allegedly, for democracy to function, we need a flourishing free press. Well democracy has failed. What fucking good did all of that phony baloney objectivity accomplish? Are people better informed? Has it elevated the level of debate? Are elected officials more accountable? Hardly!

 

Journalism has done more to dumb down Americans and narrow their world more than reality TV, video games, and hip-hop music combined. In reality, to maintain the illusion of democracy, “objective journalism” must flourish. Without phony “objectivity”, that antiquated Greek institution called democracy crumbles like a stinky pile of feta cheese.

Journalists report on scientific studies, interview political wonks, and quote statistics to us as though they were conveying some god-like overview of our world. This phony objectivity creates the illusion that the only way to address our problems is through the policies of a central god-like government, a tremendously stupid and dangerous idea.

 

Journalism buries the real perspectives of real people who live in the real world beneath empty statistics, irrelevant opinions, and a smug air of professionalism, smothering the truth like a helpless baby who won’t stop screaming.

 

Yes, journalism and democracy died in bed together years ago. Like everything else that matters in life, it didn’t make the news. The cause of death, an incurable STD they both contracted while working as whores for business.

 

People wonder why I laugh when they talk about “Journalistic Ethics”. There’s no honor among these thieves, when a bland story by a disinterested observer caries more weight that the perspective of an impassioned participant. Most news-writing is just lame voyeuristic crap pumped out to fill the space between ads, and it’s inexcusably bad. Ethics don’t make you a better writer.

Ultimately, the only thing a writer owes a reader, is a good read, and ethics are no excuse not to deliver the goods.

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