Some Christmas Music

Well here we are in the final week of 2017. As I look back on the year, I realize that I’ve made a lot of music, and watched almost no TV in 2017. I don’t regret it. In fact, I hereby resolve to do the same in 2018. However, I feel like I’ve done a really half-assed job of promoting the music I have created this year. I really need to step up to the plate on this because I have a lot more music in the pipeline for 2018. I hope you’ll take the time to listen and that you find some of my music interesting. You are welcome to listen to, and download, all of my music, for free, any time you like, at my music blog, www.electricearthmusic.wordpress.com, but allow me to present to you, dear reader, the gift of music this holiday season.

Not that long ago I told you about my new album, Vintage Startraveler , and the synthesizer I built from scratch, the GeoSafari Modular Analog Synthesizer. Since then, however, I’ve released two new videos featuring music from the album. These videos feature old footage that I found in The Prelinger Archive, a collection of movies and videos in the public domain. I turned the final cut on the album, Black Hole Energy Field, into the soundtrack to The Visitor, the story of an animated alien who gets frightened away by some Cold War era government propaganda. This alien originally starred in a weirdly religious driver safety film made by the Methodist Church, called Stop Driving Us Crazy.

Native Planet draws heavily from an old, sci-fi film titled Assignment Outer Space. The movie had terrible dialog, but exactly the kind of space footage I wanted. Intermittently, you’ll see shots of me, at the controls of the GMAS.

In addition to building synthesizers, I also enjoy creatively rewiring, or circuit-bending, electronic toys, and turning them into weird musical instruments. One particular toy, a Casio ML1 toy keyboard, has proven quite precocious. “ML” stands for “Magic Light.” This one-foot-long keyboard has a tiny two-octave keyboard, and red LEDs light up under each key when you press it.

While probing the electronic brain of this toy, I discovered several contact points that, when momentarily bridged, cause the ML1 to malfunction in such a way that it spontaneously composes its own original music. When manipulated in this way, the ML1 generates complex original musical themes that repeat, but change in subtle ways that evolve over time. The ML1 has it’s own aesthetic, a Merzbow meets Super Mario kind of vibe that takes some getting used to, but I find the ML1’s music quite interesting and compelling.

It was an honor to collaborate with the ML1 on the album we made together this year. I feel that Post-Apocalyptic Noise Fields for Active Listening barely scratched the surface of our musical potential, and I look forward to collaborating with the ML1 more in 2018. For now, here’s a video I made from the track, ML1 Quartet from our new album Post-ApocalypticNoise Fields for Active Listening. I titled the video “The Supreme Joy of Spontaneous Creation,” because of the short audio clip that starts the video. I created the video collage from a collection of TV commercials, a military training film and an anti-drug propaganda movie from the ’60s, all from the Prelinger Archive.

 

What’s ahead in 2018? You haven’t heard me play didgeridoo for a while, have you? Right now, I’m working on a new didgeridoo album that I’m really excited about. I don’t know what to call it, but here’s a couple of videos that’ll give you an idea of what’s ahead.

Happy Holidays!

Thanks for reading and listening!

The True Meaning of Christmas

My partner, Amy Gustin had a great idea the other day. This is not at all unusual for her. A lot of my columns begin with one of her great ideas, and this is one of them. The other day, Amy was perusing some books about the cave paintings at Lascaux and Chauvet while contemplating the flora and fauna of Ice Age Europe, and speculating about the Paleolithic origins of certain pagan European Christmas symbols, when she said this: “Environmentalists should take over Christmas.”

“What?” I replied. She explained that a lot of European pagan Christmas symbols celebrate the Boreal Forest and an arctic climate. We have Christmas trees. Christmas is the only time of year when snow is popular, and Santa lives at the North Pole and gets around on a sled pulled by caribou. All of these things remind us of the arctic, and they should remind us that the arctic is undergoing dramatic changes due to global climate change.

Can you think of a better symbol for global climate change that Santa Claus? First, he drives a zero emission, carbon neutral vehicle, and he’s been doing it for centuries. Second, everything Santa owns faces imminent destruction, unless we can stop the sea ice from shrinking. Santa, Mrs. Claus, all of the elves and the whole toy factory are headed straight for a watery grave at the bottom of the ocean, unless we stop global warming now.

Suddenly, Christmas made sense to me in a whole new way, and I knew I had to write about it. Global Climate Crisis is the biggest challenge we face as a species; it deserves our biggest holiday, especially since those Sciencism dorks took over Earth Day. Fuck them and their March for Science. The people who gave us nuclear proliferation, and put 250 different persistent man-made toxins in every mother’s breast milk came out and walked all over Earth Day to tell us that scientists agree that global warming is a real phenomena, and by the way, go vaccinate your kids, eat your GMOs and have faith in Elon Musk’s space program. May the force be with you. Nanu Nanu.

We need Christmas if we are going to turn around the climate crisis. Forget about the baby Jesus and the Catholic Church’s first victim of sexual abuse. Jesus has always been a divisive figure, even as a baby, and nativity scenes often stir controversy. Who needs it? If you want to put out your creche, go ahead, just leave the holy family in the box. Go ahead and put out all of the animals. They’re the only parts anyone really likes about your creche anyway. Then go ahead and add a few more animals. Christmas is all about protecting biodiversity, so go wild on the animals.

Coca Cola has done a great job of making the polar bear into a symbol of Christmas, and we should adopt that symbol wholeheartedly. Instead of Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus, put a mother polar bear and her two cubs in your nativity scene. I’m all for wise men, if you can find any, but how wise can your men be if they’re standing next to a hungry polar bear.

Global Climate Crisis effects everyone, and it’s time to make Christmas into a holiday for everyone. From now on, Christmas is about the North Pole, and the gift of a stable climate. Being born doesn’t get you a holiday, in my book. Jesus has a holiday, it’s the one he lived and died for, and Christians should go ahead and do Easter big, but Christmas is too important to let Christians hog it to themselves. Besides, Christmas is better without Jesus.

We’ve still got Santa Claus, but now Christmas is about saving Santa. We’ve got reindeer and sleigh-bells, snow and Christmas trees and we’ve got all of the animals coming together to help their friend the polar bear. We’ve got the Nutcracker to help us crack the nut of global climate change, and we can re-edit the Charlie Brown Christmas Special so that Linus’ big speech reflects the holiday’s bold new direction. Everything you love about Christmas will still be there for you, but now, Christmas has a mission.

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas in Humboldt

Introduction: I read today that the average age of the 30 most popular Christmas songs is 61 (Thanks you Harper’s Index). So I figured, “Hey, if people can listen to the same old Christmas songs they’ve heard a million times, every Christmas, they won’t mind rereading this old Christmas classic that first appeared in Savage Henry #7, The Holiday Issue, way back in 2010. It appeared here at lygsbtd a couple of years ago as well, but in the spirit of holiday tradition, and with apologies to my most dedicated readers, here we go again. Happy Holiday of Choice.

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas in Humboldt

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through Humboldt County
Not a creature was stirring, not even Sheriff Mike Downey

The herb was all trimmed up and packed into bags
For smokers of taste, who will not smoke swag

Me in bed naked, my wife in her panties
It’s that time of month, so it’s the ones that are ratty

When out at the gate there arose such a racket
I got out of bed and threw on my jacket

Put on some pants and picked up my rifle
So they’d know I was serious and not to trifle

I stepped out of the door and into the rain
“To be out in this shit, this guy must be insane”

I thought to myself as I trudged up the path,
“This better be good or he’ll feel my wrath”

What did my dumb struck eyes then behold,
But a bearded old man in a late model Olds

I yelled, “It’s Christmas Eve, are you out of your mind?”
He said, “I’m Jewish, you’re Pagan, why’s this a bad time?

My friends all need weed, and I’ve plenty of cash,
At $3,000 a pound, I’ll take your whole stash”

I thought to myself, “Well that’s quite a laugh,
These days I’d a probably sold it for half.”

He showed me a bag that was packed full of bills
So, I opened the gate and we drove down the hill

I made up some coffee, and rolled up a jay
And showed him a few of the buds on the tray

He said, “This is the stuff that my friends all love.
They say that your stuff is a cut above.

They’ll pay what I ask for all I can get.
Did you have a good year? Is it all trimmed up yet?”

“This year I grew more than ever before,
It’s weighed up in bags just behind that door.

You can inspect it while I count this cash,
Hand me that ashtray, and I’ll knock this ash.”

We packed all the weed in the trunk of his car.
I said, “You found me out here, you must know where you are.”

“Oh yes, he said, “I know my way around here,
And I’ve many more stops to make, far and near.”

He started the car, and then turned on the lights,
And I heard him say, as he drove out of sight,

“Marijuana to all, and to all a good night.”

The End

Some Unfinished Business From 2014

Last year got so hectic towards the end, that I haven’t gotten around to cleaning house here at LYGSBT until now. This week, I’m clearing out all of the images I’ve collected throughout 2014, in the course of creating for you, the finest possible blogging experience.

From time to time, I find images that I really like, but don’t quite fit blog the post I’m illustrating at the time. By the end of the year, that folder contains a lot of such pictures, and before I back that folder up and delete it from my hard drive, I share them with you, as an excuse for taking a week off of writing. Here goes:

Let’s start with this one:

OK sure, people in Denmark are happy, but you’d think they could find shoes that match.

Do you think people in Denmark are happier than this charming, obviously American, couple?

If you plan to fly to Denmark, bring a pillow…

…but flying has its hazards.

So, you might as well hang around awhile.

Sorry, I guess that last image was a bit intense.  I didn’t mean to shock you.

I guess you can’t be too careful, and it helps to read the signs, or you might find yourself up…

without a paddle…

…but it could be worse.  You might find yourself here:

or here:

If so, I hope you know where you’re going.

..and that you eventually join us here:

just look out for:

because he’s probably on:

But maybe you just want to get away from it all, and go somewhere more secluded:

I saw some amazing Halloween costumes this year:

…and a few costumes intended for other holidays:

I guess the Easter Bunny has been busy.

..and here’s a modern take on a Christmas favorite:

speaking on Christmas, we should always remember the “reason for the season”

So, join us in celebrating.

Of course, if you are on drugs, every day is a holiday.

…but where are the drugs?

well break ’em out!

now we’re partying!!

Yes, drugs can be fun, but be careful, or you might start to see some really weird shit. Like this:

or this:

or this:

or this:

Take it from me…

Well… That’s it for 2014.

Did you like it?

Oh well.   I’ll be back with another post next week.

The LYGSBTD Holiday Gift Guide pt 2

As you could probably tell from last week’s post, I’m just so full of Christmas Spirit this year, that I’m about to hurl eggnog and candy canes into the next manger I see. Yes, it’s the holiday gift giving season, and Christmas is right around the corner. That’s right, you worked right through the Spring, Summer and Fall of 2014. Now it’s Winter again. The weather sucks. You hate your job. You hardly recognize your own family, and you’ve accomplished none of the things you hoped to do this year. Merry Christmas! You have no money, but your credit is still good, so you’re going Christmas shopping!

You can’t buy your life back, but you can buy people off, and an extra special Christmas gift will easily make up for all of those months of neglect. But what do you get for the people who mean enough to you to spend money on them at Christmas, but not enough to really care about them the rest of the year? How can you know their likes and dislikes, their interests and proclivities, their long-term dreams, or any of the other things that make them a unique individual, without actually paying attention to them the rest of the year? If you don’t know anything about them, how can you pick out a gift that will mean something to them? The challenge can be overwhelming.

I understand, and I’m here to help. Your loved ones don’t understand how much stress you are under. Being around them is work, and they expect so much from you, but you love them, at least you did before you went completely numb. You don’t want to let them down at Christmas time. You’re willing to spend the money. I won’t let you blow it.

When buying a gift for someone who means a lot to you, but that you don’t really know very well, keep this in mind. Get them something that will impress their friends. Even if the person you give it to, doesn’t like it, their friends will see this gift, and remind that person of just how lucky they are to receive such a nice gift, and that whoever gave it to them must really love them. Even if they know better themselves, hearing that sentiment expressed again and again, from their friends, will keep their feelings towards you in a state of perpetual conflicted ambivalence. Call it “love.”

Here’s a few suggestions:

Jet Pack. This will instantly make anyone popular and change their life, if they survive. With this, you can pack a whole lifetime’s worth of “love” into a single, explosively powerful, spectacularly impressive gift. Gift’s like this obliterate the individuality of the recipient, while they celebrate the generosity of the giver, so choose the gift based on your own personality, rather than that of the recipient. Here’s another idea:

Quad/Jetski I’ll bet that a lot of people around here will find one of these under their Christmas Tree this year, but maybe making noise and going fast doesn’t float your boat. Try this:

Barbecue Boat Everyone eats. Why not do it in the middle of a lake? Big ticket gifts like this really steal the show at family get-togethers, making other people’s gifts seem puny and insignificant by comparison. That’s how you solve your little gift-giving problem. If you can afford it, crush it!

This kind of generosity drives our economy and makes our world the miracle of modern technology that it has become. It isn’t what we wanted, but everyone keeps telling us how lucky we are to have it. Thanks… I guess.

Speaking of technology. Here’s a gift for that special woman in your life, the one you haven’t had time for lately, but hasn’t filed for divorce yet. It’s a very personal gift, made uniquely impersonal:

OhMiBod vibrator app for smart phones. OhMiBod consists of two parts, the hardware: a small, blue-tooth enabled, battery powered vibrator, designed to fit in a woman’s underwear, and the software: an app that you download to your smart-phone. The app allows you to control the vibrator from up to 26 ft away, perhaps even from another room, by blue-tooth, or from anywhere in the world, with a wifi connection.

Imagine. You could be watching the game with your buddies.

They’d just think you were sending a text to your bookie or something. Fiddle with your phone for ten or fifteen minutes while you drink beer and joke with your friends. Then call her up and say “I love you babe” and hang up. She’s satisfied, and you didn’t have to miss a single play.

What about gifts for men? Well what do men like? Men like boobs. Men don’t care what it is, as long as it has boobs, so give men something that has boobs.

Boob Radio. Yes, this radio has boobs, but when it comes down to it, all knobs and buttons are surrogate nipples and boobs, so most guys like almost any gadget. The more knobs and buttons it has, the better.

That just leaves pets. Pets don’t really care about gifts, unless they can eat them, and then they are always welcome. Still, some people insist on buying inedible gifts for their pets, so why not take their money.

Who cares if the pet enjoys the gift. That’s not the point. Usually, the pets do not like the gifts at all. In fact, animals generally have to be sedated before they will tolerate most of these products long enough to snap a promotional photo.

Here’s a selection:

Beaks for Dogs. Is this the “Crocks” of dog muzzles? These dogs hate this. They have better taste than that.

Knitted Hats for Dogs Do you think those dogs like those hats? No! Those dogs are wasted! If you want to make your dog happy, give them drugs, and then don’t dress them up in silly costumes. But what about cats?

DJ ScratchCat Turntable Scratching Post. Your cat would rather have a cardboard box to tear-up, but whatever. You’ve got $35 bucks to blow.

There you have it folks:

Gift ideas for everyone on your Christmas gift list. Wake me when it’s over.

Go Vote!

Well Tomorrow is Election Day. Win or lose, this will be the last time I write about Measure Z. Believe me, I’m as sick of it as you are. I cannot think of a single topic more boring than tax policy, or an activity more pointless than voting, but this blog remains the highest ranked Vote No on Measure Z page on the internet, so I have a job to do.

We’ve dropped a few places since I first reported this phenomena, but lygsbtd remains the only Vote No On Measure Z web site to show up on the first page of search results. However, if you do a google image search, you’ll discover that my Vote No on Measure Z memes dominate the image search results, with seven of the top ten images sourcing from this blog. In the image war, I am kicking their ass!

Unfortunately, this battle won’t be decided by a google image search. This battle will be won at the ballot box, so here I go again, trying to find an entertaining way to motivate you to go to the polls and VOTE NO ON MEASURE Z.

I don’t like telling you to vote. Usually I tell people that voting is for suckers, because voting is for suckers. It takes a special kind of stupidity to believe in democracy. Think about it. How many years did you stay up all night on Christmas Eve, before you realized that Santa Claus was a fraud? Now ask yourself: How long has it been since you’ve seen democracy actually solve a problem or prevent an expensive, pointless war? We have a word for that kind of stupidity. We call that kind of stupidity: “religion.”

Democracy is just the latest fraud religion. Like all fraud religions, it was concocted as a means of extracting money from your pocket, and putting it in someone else’. That’s exactly what Measure Z is all about. Humboldt’s greediest bloodsuckers are counting on Humboldt’s dumbest morons to help them pry more money out of your pocket.

They know that ALL of the greedy bloodsuckers in Humboldt County will vote for their regressive tax measure, because greedy bloodsuckers love to take advantage of people. Even the Libertarians around here (I’m looking at you Fred) can’t say NO to screwing poor people. So, they’ve got the bloodsucker vote wrapped up.

The big problem will be liberals and progressives. Liberals and progressives are the snake handlers and castration cults of the fraud religion known as democracy. They are the dumbest of the dumb. At least the bloodsuckers know that democracy is a game, and they play to win. Liberals and progressives think that democracy has magical powers to solve intractable social and environmental problems, something it has never, ever, done.

Liberals and progressives worship democracy and believe it has supernatural powers. They believe that if the government has more money, its magical powers to solve problems grow stronger. That’s why liberals and progressives like paying taxes. They like to think about all the cool things that government would do if it had more power. Like:

Solve global climate change with electric cars and solar powered bullet trains.

Find a cure for cancer, Ebola, muscular dystrophy and Parkinson’s disease.

End poverty and homelessness.

I’ve got news for you. Government is never going to do any of that stuff. In reality, democracy empowers bloodsuckers to rape the Earth, pollute the environment and take advantage of people, and democracy prevents the rest of us from interfering with it. That’s what democracy does now, and that’s what democracy has always done, but liberals and progressives look back at democracy’s almost 250 year history in the US, and they say, “It still looks good on paper. It really should work this time.”

No, it won’t work, not this time, not next time, not ever. Democracy will never work. Jesus is not coming back, and Santa Claus does not exist. I’m sorry to disappoint you, if I’m the one to break it to you, but professional wrestling is phony too. These are just the facts of life.

Still, these three great frauds, democracy, Christianity and consumerism continue to define our culture, and sometimes it’s just easier to just say “Merry Christmas” than to yell, “Santa is dead!” When someone says “bless you” after you sneeze, it’s not always helpful to say “Fuck you! Your religion is a fraud and you are an idiot!” By the same token, you can hold your nose, go to your polling place, and cast your ballot to stop this whole evil system from stealing even more of your life, even though you know the system is a complete fraud.

Go ahead. Get it over with. Vote NO on Measure Z.

No Public Wifi in SoHum Means No on Measure Z

I’m getting tired of this. I mean, I enjoy writing. That’s not quite right. I love putting my thoughts in your head. That really means a lot to me. The fact that you are reading this right now totally turns me on. I want to keep you coming back for more. That’s why I go to the trouble of writing an essay every week, and then spend three or four hours stealing pictures to illustrate it. I’m happy to share what I have to offer, free of charge, but it sure isn’t easy. Believe it or not, we have no free public wifi anywhere in SoHum. There’s no wifi at the library, none at the Garberville CR campus, neither the Mateel nor KMUD nor any of the county buildings offer an open router. In order to use public wifi, in SoHum, you have to get on a bus, bound for Eureka, which costs money. I’ve done it, but working on the bus makes me nauseous. That only leaves two cafes, in all of SoHum that offer wifi. One of them makes sadistically bad coffee, and requires patrons to spend $5 an hour. At the other, I linger much too long over coffee and a cookie, and try to avoid the owner’s hairy eyeball. The staff is great, and always make me feel welcome, but both places have loud music or TVs blaring, making concentration difficult at best. Neither are good places to work. I’m really sick of it. So Hum needs a public internet connection at least as much as we need a library or a post office. I can’t even pay the sales tax I owe, as a small business owner, without an internet connection. If the government is going to require me to use the internet to pay my taxes, they damn well better provide someplace where I can get online to do it. I’ve written to my Supervisor about it, repeatedly, to no avail. I’ve even pointed her in the direction of a federal grant program to provide broadband service to rural communities. Nothing. Meanwhile, our Board of Supervisors hands out a $16,000 subsidy to local ranchers, so they don’t have to pay the full cost of their hazardous materials inspections. Just a couple weeks ago it was $67,000 a year, for the next four years for subsidized pest control, through a notoriously inhumane and environmentally destructive agency known as Wildlife Services, again for ranchers, and other rich people living in country estates. Before that, they let developers off the hook for the costs of infrastructure to serve new subdivisions, another huge giveaway for land speculators and developers. Every week, at the Board of Supervisors meetings, all of their rich rancher and developer friends whine about how hard it is to make a living on 1,600 acres in Humboldt County and why they need more subsidies, and our Board of Supervisors practically weep in sympathy for them. Meanwhile 2,000 or more Humboldt County residents sleep outside, under bridges behind stores, or anywhere they can find because they have no place to live, and the Supes want them arrested. It’s sickening. Wifi at the fucking library, that’s all I ask. I know that the library is only open four days a week. I can deal with that. Just don’t make me sit in that goddamned cafe all day. I come to town once a week, and once a week, I have work to do online. Out where I live, internet access costs about as much as I pay in rent, and half of the year, I don’t even have the electricity to use it, so an internet connection at home is out of the question for me. Allegedly, this is the birthplace of the back-to-the-land movement (don’t get me started). These hills should be full of people like me, who live simply, close to the earth, without a lot of luxuries, who need to get online from time to time, just like they need to go to the post office once in a while. I know that a lot of people need a public wifi connection in town. I see them at the cafe. I see them try in vain at the library, and I hear them complain about it. I sympathize. It sucks. I know a lot of people say we need more sheriff’s deputies. That’s bullshit. The cops around here are violent, corrupt and out-of-control. The last thing we need is more of them. Local merchants who call the cops every time they see a group of people hanging out on the sidewalk don’t want more sheriff’s deputies, they want subsidized bouncers, so they can treat Garberville like their own private country club. Now our teary-eyed Board of Supes wants to play Santa Claus to them too, and they want ME to pay for it. They want YOU to pay for it too. They want to raise the sales tax, so that every time we buy anything in Humboldt County, Lee Ulansey’s cronies on the Board of Supervisors skim the cream to finance big giveaways for rich developers and welfare ranchers, not to mention fat pensions for overpaid, crooked cops. They call it Measure Z, and they’re hoping you’ll sleep through it. Don’t! Measure Z puts Humboldt County’s richest hands, into it’s poorest’s pockets. Measure Z would make homeless alcoholics pay for utility hookups in new McMansion devos. Measure Z would make HSU students pay for that guy who kills a hundred raccoons every year for no good reason. Measure Z would make me pay someone to harass my friends on the streets of Garberville. Sales tax is a regressive form of taxation that unfairly burdens the poor. The rich have internet access at home, and can order stuff online, avoiding sales tax altogether. A lot of rich people own businesses and can buy what they need wholesale, at Costco, tax free with their merchant ID number. Poor people pay retail prices, at local shops. Poor local people will pay most of that tax. Single mothers will pay it when they shop for back-to-school supplies for their kids. Working people will pay it when they buy work clothes, shoes, furniture, and appliances. Homeless people will pay it when they buy prepared food because they have no kitchen to cook in. This new proposed sales tax will help Humboldt County’s richest and greediest suck more blood from underpaid workers, overcharged tenants, and poor families just struggling to survive. Not only that, a new sales tax will turn Humboldt County into one of those special sales tax districts. I hate those special sales tax districts. Those fucking special sales tax districts make it that much harder and take that much longer, to file my taxes, which really pisses me off when I’m trying to do it in a fucking cafe on my third cup of guilt-coffee, with teenage techno beats pounding in my ears. Well Fuck You Very Much Humboldt County Board of Supervisors.