I don’t know how you feel about poetry, but I don’t care for it much. To me, it’s just a job. I write poetry to pay the rent, and finance the work I really care about, like this blog. You’ll find information about how to acquire my recently released book of poetry at the end of the poem.
At the Poetry Slam
So who have we got here at the poetry slam
A paunchy, and balding, and bearded old man
What could this old fart possibly have to say
He’s not young, he’s not hip, and he’s not even gay
Well there’s nothing on earth that my verse can’t reveal
If I can’t describe it then it can’t be real
And the poems that I am about to read
Will make you all laugh till you fall down and bleed
Then when you try to get up and sue
Just about the silliest thing you could do
Because I am a poet without any money
I’ll write on your summons a note to my honey
Fill it with lots of vain sentiment
In hopes that I can get her to pay the month’s rent
Now when it comes to poems, there’s a lot to hate
And even the best really ain’t that great
Some read Cummings, and write in blank verse
That crap is always some of the worst
Some act thuggish, and all hip-hoppy
Those beats are so lame, and the lyrics are sloppy
Then there’s the ones that are strung out on booze
Thinkin’ they got nothin’ else to lose
They scribble a line when er they are able
At least one or two before they’re under the table
What does it matter if their poems are good
If they can’t keep their head up off a floor made of wood?
So who have we got here at this poetry slam
You know that I really don’t give a damn
Unless its a chick who digs guys that can rhyme
Then its my lucky night and I’ll have a good time
The above poem, and about 40 others like it, appears in my recently published book of poetry, titled: Please, Not Poetry, Anything But Poetry; A Terse Book of Verse for the Poetry Averse. You can purchase your own copy of Please, Not Poetry, Anything But Poetry at Booklegger Books in Eureka, and at King Range Books in Garberville, the only bookstore in Garberville that celebrates local writers.
