The 7 Billionth Person on Earth Born Today
According to population experts, sometime today, somewhere in the world, a woman will give birth to the 7 billionth living human person on planet earth, followed in very rapid succession by number 7 billion and one 7 billion and 2 etc. The rest of us, it seems, refuse to die fast enough to prevent this exponential growth in human population.
I heard that they are going to let each country nominate its own, “7 billionth human” based on how soon after the master population clock hits 7 billion, he or she is born. Then they will select, from among the nominees, one baby, and officially designate that newborn as number 7 billion.
The family of the specially selected 7 billionth baby will receive a certificate and some swell prizes, while the rest of the infants born today will simply fade back into teeming, wriggling mass of humanity from which they were conceived. What does it mean to be number 7 billion? More importantly, at least to me, what does it mean to be one of 7 billion humans that inhabit this planet?
Santa now has to make twice as many stops on Christmas Eve than he did when I was a kid.
You could build a mountain higher than Mt. Everest from dirty disposable diapers.
Over the course of a lifetime, you will spend 700 hours looking at other people’s baby pictures.
If they don’t already, soon, all babies will look like maggots to you.
You will spend 75 hours of your life stuck behind school buses.
Traffic on LA freeways will move almost as fast as the line at the Taco Bell drive through.
Among the population of 7 billion, you will find at least 1 billion of them sexually attractive.
Oddly, it will not get any easier to find a date.
The richest 1% of the world population, now numbers 70 million.
They own more than the poorest 6.3 billion of us put together.
It will take nearly 200,000 years (199,771.68 to be precise) for all 7 billion of us to enjoy 15 minutes of fame.
In truth, not 1 of the entire 7 billion really wants to hear your story.
Waiting in line will spawn a huge new industry.
Millions of people will find employment as professional “line waiters”
Millions more will earn their living by entertaining people while they wait in line.
Millions more will earn their keep by preparing food for people waiting in line.
You will have lots of opportunities to observe and study this new industry, as you will, on average, spend 18 months of your life waiting in line.
It would take 1.25 billion pounds of hamburger, or about 5,000,000 cows to make every one on the planet a single quarter pound hamburger.
Do you want fries with that? If so add another 3.5 billion pounds of potatoes, or one year’s bumper crop for the entire state of Idaho.
Round it out with about 900 million gallons, or about 350 acre-feet or soda.
They all want separate checks.
They will all be in front of you in line, the next time you want to order lunch.
If seven billion people all flushed the toilet at once, it would completely drain the Great Lakes.
If all of that sewage were pumped back into the Great Lakes, no one could tell the difference.