Pabst Blue Ribbon’s Gone Hollywood
Pabst Blue ribbon Brewing Company announced plans to move its headquarters, once located in Milwaukee, WI, currently in Chicago, IL, to LA. What does this mean for the future of this stalwart blue-collar beer, currently enjoying popularity among 20something hipsters? Has this new popularity gone to its head? Is PBR just the latest Midwestern dreamer to move to Hollywood seeking fortune and fame, only to end up as somebodies pool boy? Only time will tell, but in the mean time, look for good ol’ PBR to undergo some kind of image makeover.? For one, look for the red white and blue label to change to red, red and blue at first, then red, tan and blue. Maintaining that pallor was easy in the windy north, but in LA even the termites have tans.
Will PBR change its name? Lots of Midwesterners change their name when they move to Hollywood. How they change it often reveals their strategy for success. Percy Bartholomew Rothschild, putting on airs, PBR might pass himself off as a put-on heir. I doubt ol’ PBR could pull it off, with so many generations of pro-wrestling and country-western music in his veins. How about Peter B. Rosenberg? Being Jewish can be an advantage in show biz, ask Whoopie Goldberg. Actually converting, however, is a lot more of a hassle for guys than for women, I don’t know my Talmud well enough to know how that applies to beer. I suppose PBR would have to be Kosher. Maybe something less ethnic, Paul Becker Ross…punchy, tight, would look good on a marquee, yeah, I think that’s the one Look for a buff and tan Paul Becker Ross down at Venice beach working the phones on his new career in the very near future.
What will this mean for the price of PBR? You can certainly expect the price of PBR to rise in coming years. Everything costs more in LA, and PBR is gonna need cash flow. PBR will need new clothes, a new car, some swanky new digs and some spending money. You know, money to blow (for blow mostly). Sure, They’ll launch a major rebranding effort, and a cool new label, but inside, it’ll still be the same rust belt factory sweat beloved by budget-minded buzz-seekers across the land for over a century. It will just cost a lot more. “PBR firmly believes that we can maintain the loyalty of today’s 20 something hipsters as they climb the corporate ladder into higher income positions. These people can easily afford the new upscale PBR, and the familiar taste will remind them of the care-free days of their youth.” said a spokesmodel for PBR’s future image consultant Locke, Downe and Cheney. Look for the rebranded PBR, with a bold new look, dripping with LA bling at a gas station, liquor store or bait shop near you. For those 20 something hipsters who refuse to climb the corporate ladder, look for PBR’s new bargain off-brand brew, CBL (Cheap Beer for Losers) at all the same outlets.
