Bring Me the Head of “Heraldo”

Bring Me the Head of “Heraldo”

 

Well the North Coast Journal finally published its annual “Best of Humboldt” issue, and once again, this blog, “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” made the cut. This year, my blog tied for fourth place with the Humboldt Herald.

 

Frankly, I don’t have time for, or much interest in, reading a lot of other blogs, and I’ve never heard anything good about the Humboldt Herald. So, before today, I’d never even glanced at it. I’d heard that the Humboldt Herald was a cesspool of moronic political bickering, so I assumed that it was Eureka’s answer to Eric Kirk’s blog, SoHum Parlance.

 

Sure enough, who’s name do I see at the top of the page at Humboldt Herald? Eric Kirk’s, but apparently some anonymous joker, who calls himself “Heraldo”, runs the Humboldt Herald. I wouldn’t put my real name on that disease either, were I responsible for it.

 

I didn’t spend a lot of time there, but it looks like the same kind of bland, self-important, rhetorical regurgitation you’d expect from Eric Kirk. I didn’t see one post that I really wanted to read, and what I did read, seemed to me the product of small, narrow minds, without much imagination, so I’m more than a little disappointed to have tied with them.

 

You’ll recall that last year we fought this campaign down to a tie, as well. In 2011, Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do tied with Chocolate Covered Xanax for 5^th place. Chocolate Covered Xanax rocks, at least it did then. Well written, with beautiful photographs, Chocolate Covered Xanax has style, humor and elegance. It’s a real class act. I was proud to tie with Chocolate Covered Xanax. Apparently Kristabel has better things to do these days. It’s been a while since she’s updated CCX, which, no doubt, hurt her in this year’s competition. We miss you Kristabel, but that was last year.

 

This year, NCJ readers cast more votes for Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do, and we took a bigger slice of the overall pie, up from 2.5% of the vote to 3.2%, which moved us up in the standings enough to tie for fourth. It’s just a shame that I had to tie with the artless, pointless, senseless idiocy of Eric Kirk, Heraldo and their ilk at the Humboldt Herald.

 

I’m better than that. I mean, I write drivel, but I don’t write that kind of drivel. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that vacuous political agita has a following around here, but the fact that the Humboldt Herald even placed in this contest speaks poorly of North Coast Journal readers.

 

Above us in the poll, no surprises. In first place: Lost Coast Outpost, the online hub of the Ferndale media empire, Lost Coast Communications. With four commercial radio stations feeding it traffic, former NCJ “Town Dandy”, and computer whiz Hank Sims aggressively building it into a local media powerhouse, and now with Redheaded Blackbelt Kym Kemp on the team, Lost Coast Outpost has become Humboldt County’s first source for news and information.

 

In the poll, Lost Coast Outpost took 34.4 percent of the vote, with Kym Kemp’s Redheaded Blackbelt taking another 6.8%, and coming in third on her own. That’s over 41% of the vote for Lost Coast Outpost. Yes, the Lost Coast Outpost, and Lost Coast Communications casts a growing shadow over the media landscape here in Humboldt County.

 

LCC’s KHUM, “Radio Without the Rules” took first place in the “Best Radio Station” category, and another LCC station, KSLG finished second. Both of these commercial stations beat out both of our beloved community radio stations, KHSU and KMUD, which polled third and fourth respectively. As a blogger, I don’t generally consider myself in competition with local news media outlets like Lost Coast Outpost, and LCC, but KMUD is, and I hope that KMUD is up to it, because LCC is clearly growing, and hungry.

 

I couldn’t believe Lost Coast Outpost’s new feature, as hyped by the NCJ. They now have an automatic feed from law enforcement agencies that posts an entry every time a cop arrests someone in Humboldt County. Each post states who got arrested, and what they are charged with. Now, if you get arrested in Humboldt County, Lost Coast Outpost readers will know about it, hours before you even get to make a phone call. Is that creepy or what?

 

I promise you this: if you get arrested in Humboldt County, or anywhere, for that matter, your mother is not going to find out about it by reading my blog. Who wants to monitor a feed of arrests in Humboldt County? What does voting for a site like that, say about NCJ readers? Speaking of which…

 

Second place in the North Coast Journal readers poll, “best blog” category, went to the North Coast Journal’s own “blog thing” which took only 9.1% of the vote. If the North Coast Journal can’t get at least 10% of their own readers to vote for their blog, even though they put full page ads for it in their paper every week, how lame is that?

 

So that’s it, Lost Coast Communications, The North Coast Journal, Heraldo, and me, the best of the blogosphere in Humboldt County, at least according to readers of The North Coast Journal. Besides trending towards the petulant, petty and prying, North-Coast Journal readership tends to skew towards the northern part of the county. They don’t cover us much down here, so we tend to ignore The NCJ in SoHum.

 

Nothing from SoHum won “best of” anything in the NCJ readers poll, and only four SoHum based things even placed in the top five, in any category. I already mentioned Kym Kemp’s Redheaded Blackbelt (third best blog), and KMUD (fourth best radio station). The Mateel Community Center placed fifth in the “best music venue” category, and this blog: Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do, placed fourth in the category of “best blog”, all proudly representing SoHum.

 

Thank you, dear readers, for voting for this blog, and supporting my work here. Enough of you believed in this blog enough, and stood up for what you believe in enough, to give Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do more votes than 99% of all of the blogs in Humboldt County, more votes than any other humor blog, more votes than any other personal blog, more votes than all but two local media outlets, and exactly as many votes as the single most popular political blog in the county.

 

That’s power, people. We went head-to-head against big-money media in cyberspace, and we made the cut. Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do is a player. So what if we tied with a sack of rancid troll bait.

I Run a Clean Positive Campaign

I Run a Clean, Positive Campaign

 

As you may know, this political season finds me in the midst of a hotly contested campaign. We’ve faced some difficult challenges so far, but thanks to a tremendous effort by the amazing readers who support this blog, we’ve put an end to electoral shenanigans at the NCJ. Now we have to win the election.

We only have until Sept 5, that’s next Weds., to get AS MANY VOTES AS POSSIBLE in to the NCJ “Best of Humboldt” reader survey. This critical deadline means that you need to cast your ballot Today!  I cannot stress enough, how important it is to vote for “Like You’ve Got Something Better to Do” in the North Coast Journal’s “Best of Humboldt” reader survey. Please do it RIGHT NOW!!!

 

The future hangs in the balance. Raising the profile of this blog, to the status of “Best of Humboldt” could have a dramatic effect on the scope of public debate, politics and policy, here in Humboldt County. I know that seems extraordinarily unlikely, but you have the power to make it happen. Please, take that critical step. Vote for “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” as “best blog” in the NCJ “Best of Humboldt” reader survey.

Regardless, of the high-stakes, I want to keep this a clean, positive campaign. This campaign has always been about the strength of the material here at “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do”, not about badmouthing other, less deserving blogs. However, as you undoubtedly know, the gloves are off when it comes to campaign spending. In this environment, I cannot afford to tell my larger donors not to form a SuperPAC.

Law prohibits SuperPACs from coordinating with the campaign of the candidate they support. So, I have no control whatsoever over anything this new SuperPAC, “Swiftblog Inveterates With Nothing Better To Do” does or says. The “Swiftblog Inveterates With Nothing Better To Do”, in turn, cannot say anything to endorse me or my campaign, but will work to raise important facts about the Humboldt county blogosphere that they feel every NCJ reader should know.

Please remember, that unless you see my name, John Hardin, specifically endorsing an ad, I have nothing whatsoever to do with it. I know the onslaught of negative political ads becomes tiresome. I’m sure you are sick of the twisted misrepresentations, the extreme lowbrow appeal, and the just plain ugly tone of politics these days. I am sick of it too, that’s why I run this campaign on the strength of what you read here at “Like you’ve Got Something Better To Do”.

I work hard to make “Like You’ve got Something better To Do” entertaining, to present thought provoking essays, and to show up every fucking week. Whether its a poem, a “Word Power” vocabulary word, an “On The Money” economic advice column, or a “You Call That Cooking” food story, “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” delivers steaming hot blog posts to your device of choice, every fucking week.

That’s dedication. That’s service. That’s the kind of blog I run here at “Like You’ve Got Something Better to Do”. You can count on me, because I’ve proven that I can deliver the goods.

Today, I need you to deliver the goods. Please, click this link. It takes you to the NCJ website, click on the long skinny button that takes you to the ballot. Click through to the very last category, the type in (or copy and paste) “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” next to the category labeled “Best Blog” then click through till you see the kitten with wings. That’s all it takes. Please do it now!!! Thank you. I am John Hardin, and I endorse this message.

On The Money; Standard of Living

On The Money;

Economic Advice for the 99%

Standard of Living

 

People make a big deal about our “high standard of living”. Just last week local blogger Eric Kirk invoked the “high standard of living” in western Europe as evidence of the unrivaled superiority of the democratic system, as though democracy were an economic system rather than a political one, and completely ignoring the environmental impacts of the European lifestyle. Apparently, to Kirk, a high standard of living, regardless of how fleeting, or how high the price paid by the rest of the world, is the sole measure of success, but what do we mean by “standard of living”?

When was living standardized? Can’t we customize our lives individually? Do we have standardized tests to measure our standard of living? If so, how much do we “live to the test”, so to speak, just to artificially elevate the results? …and what do we mean by high? I know how high I have to be to reach my standard, but that’s a very personal thing. My partner Amy hardly smokes any pot at all. Does she have a lower standard of living than I do? If so, I think we’d all be better off with more people like Amy and fewer people like me, rather than the reverse.

Amy is a smart attractive woman who takes care of herself, me, two cats, two snails, our home and a few non-psychoactive potted plants that I would never bother with. She takes no drugs, has no interest in mass media, the internet, or fashion. She cherishes her interactions with wild plants and animals, enjoys living close to the earth, and has learned to do so responsibly.

I, on the other hand, am a fat, bald, multi-drug addicted middle aged white guy who spends his time thinking unclean thoughts about Bratz dolls, playing with electronic children’s toys and filling web servers with pointless blog posts about it. I can’t wait to try those new “bath salts” I’ve been hearing so much about, and even though about 80% of my waking thoughts revolve around sex, I still find it easy to blather endlessly on subjects I know nothing about, and I expect everyone to listen. Clearly I exemplify a higher standard of living than does my partner Amy, but who would you rather spend your time around?

While raising our “standard of living” has opened a Pandora’s Box of previously unimaginable new opportunities for fat, bald, sex-obsessed, drug-addled white guys with huge egos, like myself and Eric Kirk to amuse ourselves, those gains have come at tremendous cost to bright, good-looking people who know how to live on this planet without fucking it up, like Amy.  In fact a rising standard of living is always marked by the extirpation of healthy good-looking people who had quietly lived, in the same place where their ancestors lived for tens of thousands of years, without depleting their resource base, and by the rise of fat, bald, white egomaniacs who shamelessly exploit everything, and for whom, sustainability is, at best, an abstract concept.

Fat, bald, white egomaniacs, around the world, all live pretty much the same way. We all want anything we see any other fat, bald, white guy with. We think its great to live in a world where every fat, bald, white guy gets to have anything that any other fat, bald white guy has, so long as he has enough money. That’s what we mean by “high standard of living”.

On the other hand, the people who inhabited this world before this new “high standard of living” all lived differently. They all developed cultures adapted to the peculiarities of the places they lived. Nothing about human culture was standardized, but all of it was sustainable.

In the “high standard of living” world of fat, bald, white sex-obsessed egomaniacs, we have building codes, a general plan, and college educated, taxpayer funded eggheads who are full of advice, but none of it is sustainable.

This is why we should value our “high standard of living” over the rich diversity of our human cultural heritage. For unless we exterminate what remains of human cultural diversity, exploit the Earth’s natural bounty, and sacrifice generations of our own progeny in the name of our “high standard of living” fat, bald, white egomaniacs with money will not be able to use economic extortion to compensate for being so sexually repulsive.

There’s a view of our “high standard of living” that’s On The Money.

Kirk to Enterprise, What Planet Are We On?

Kirk to Enterprise, What Planet Are We On?

I listened to Eric Kirk’s radio show, this past Thursday night at 7pm on KMUD. I read a facebook post in which Eric let us know that he had invited Andy Stunich to talk about his fears that our elected officials might commit economic suicide by government. 

As a financial advice columnist, (look for my column “On The Money; Financial Advice for the Working-Class” in the current issue of Fifth Estate Magazine) I like to entertain a diversity of opinion on economic issues, but I also tire quickly of listening to the same old conventional stupidity regurgitated and rehashed.

 

I know from listening to Eric’s show in the past, and from occasionally reading his blog, that he specializes in rehashing regurgitated stupidity, and Thursday night’s show found Eric practicing his specialty yet again. Why do you fill your head with this crap, Eric?

Every time I hear you on the radio, or visit your fetid little corner of cyberspace, I feel my soul being sucked into a vortex of empty rhetoric, going nowhere. Thursday night’s show provided a prime example.

 

This show reminded me that, while “people who fail to study history are doomed to repeat it”, people who study history don’t have a clue either. If, as Frank Zappa said, “Rock music journalism is people who can’t write, interviewing people who can’t talk, for people who can’t read”,

then the study of history is people who write too much about people who talk too much for people who read too much. While there’s always more that you can learn about history, there’s only so much that you can learn from history, especially if, by “history” you mean the history of our culture, from about 10,000 years ago to the present.

 

In reality, the ones who learn the most from “history” are the ones most eager to repeat it. Hitler learned how to engineer a genocidal holocaust by studying American history. Since the primary concern of “history” is the rise and fall of megalomaniacs, megalomaniacs can learn a lot from “history”, but what the rest of us learn from “history” is how to think like a megalomaniac.

 

We think like megalomaniacs when we imagine that we could solve the problems of society if we were in charge. Imagining that we could solve the world’s problems if we were in charge leads to pointless, inane discussions like the one I heard on KMUD Thursday night; armchair megalomaniacs endlessly debating economic policy in the most abstract terms, completely removed from the reality of life on planet Earth.

 

What do I mean by “armchair megalomaniacs”? Like I said, “history” is the story of the rise and fall of megalomaniacs. Historians endlessly examine the strategies, policies, and operational models of every megalomaniac that conquered and enslaved enough people to make the news, since written records began. On the other hand, “history” tells us almost nothing about the first three million years of the human experience, or about the thousands of tribal cultures, which survived for tens of thousands of years, until they were conquered, enslaved and annihilated by a megalomaniac and his minions.

 

Hence, American “history” begins with the “Discovery” of America by Christopher Columbus, and tends to gloss over the genocide, the slavery, the wholesale slaughter, the economic oppression and the environmental degradation, to instead focus on “The Constitution” the founding fascists, and “Democracy”. People who read too much of that crap start to believe that only megalomaniacs matter in life.

 

They start to speculate about how “history” might have gone differently if the megalomaniacs had made different decisions. For instance, they ask themselves, “What would have happened if Hitler decided not to attack Russia?” That’s what I mean by “armchair megalomaniacs”; people who aren’t particularly charismatic, or psychotically driven themselves, but like to imagine what they would do if they were Hitler, or Stalin, or Churchill, or Kennedy. As if fantasizing about being Hitler weren’t sick enough, “armchair megalomaniacs” also like to fantasize about ruling the contemporary world too.

 

“Armchair megalomaniacs” refer to their vast knowledge of “history” and “economics” (another crock of shit), and try to imagine what a megalomaniac could do to solve the world’s problems, and what kind of megalomaniac they’d like to see do it. Soon, they have pretty good idea of just what kind of megalomaniac we need in charge, and usually, its someone pretty much like them.

 

The problem with this whole line of thinking, is that “ruling the world” has been an unmitigated disaster right from the beginning, and its not getting any better. Megalomaniacs have done a terrible job of managing the Earth. The idea that we can solve the problems caused by unchecked megalomania, by putting a megalomaniac more like us in charge, is the founding fallacy of democracy, and it leads to pointless , arcane discussions about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, like we heard Thursday night. In the case of last night’s show, the dancing angel was “the economy”.

 

Didn’t Eric and his guest seem to know a lot about “the economy”. They talked about “the economy” like it was a sick friend, in desperate need of immediate attention. Neither of them seemed to have a clue about the state of the global ecosystem, or the scale of environmental devastation resultant from economic activity, let alone the incredible sacrifices we all make in our quality of life, just to support unbridled profit-taking by the insatiably greedy, nor did any of that seem to matter much to them.

 

In the eyes of our “armchair megalomaniacs” Eric and his guest, the real problem we face is not the dying oceans, the melting ice-caps and the destabilization of the Earth’s climate, it’s not the growing underclass of people denied access to the basic resources of survival, and cast aside like garbage while the opulent use their economic power and influence to exploit the rest of us. No, the real problem, is that their sick friend, “the economy” might stop growing.

 

What is “the economy” anyway? “The economy” doesn’t measure the quality of people’s lives, only how much money they spend. “The economy” doesn’t measure the wealth of the planet, it only tells us how much money we got for what we stole from mother Earth, and how much we spent trying to clean up our mess. “The economy” measures how fast we liquidate the planet and our lives. “The economy” tells us how much we got paid to sacrifice our children’s future. “The economy” is a measure of how much of our lives and our birthright will be sacrificed to keep megalomania alive and well.

 

Ultimately, “the economy” is nothing but an extremely abstract set of statistics that could hardly be more difficult to gather, and couldn’t be less relevant to our day to day lives. The only reason they gather statistics on “the economy” and promote its unbridled growth, is to help megalomaniacs exploit the rest of us.

When you look at it that way, you realize that “the economy” is not your friend. The economy is an out-of-control monster ruining more of our planet, and our lives, every day. The last thing any of us really want, is for “the economy” to grow any larger. We want “the economy” off our backs.

If we survive this century, as a species, it will only be because we dramatically reduced our economic activity. Yet, as if “the economy” hasn’t already consumed enough of the world’s resources, and, as if “the economy” doesn’t already consume enough of our lives, Eric Kirk used the community airwaves to present to us, Andy Stunich’s dire warning that our current crop of megalomaniacs might slow the growth of “the economy” by spending money we don’t have on the popular programs that only exist, not unlike “the economy” itself, to serve the interests, and insure the stability of, their own regime.

 

This is like being trapped in a car with no brakes, driven by a rabid monkey at 100mph on the Pacific Coast Highway, and being warned that we might not have enough gas to keep accelerating. Running out of gas would be a blessing, but we’re not running out of gas, we’ve gone over a cliff, so the amount of gas in the tank only matters in determining how big of a fireball it will make when we crash. It’s time to stop looking at the gas gauge, turn off that idiot on the radio, and look out the window.

 

What planet do these guys live on, anyway? Obviously Eric Kirk and his guest speak to us from a world inhabited by armchair megalomaniacs, who subsist on a diet of corporate exploitation and reside in a jungle of empty rhetoric. Please Scotty, beam them back.