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ON The Money; Getting Emotional

On The Money;

Economic Advice for the 99%

Getting Emotional

In our culture, reason reigns supreme. In school they teach us to value reason, logic, and rational thinking, but they teach us to control our emotions, to keep them to ourselves, and not to let them interfere with our work. While the rational mind constantly gets rewarded through good grades, high-paying jobs, etc, our emotional responses, especially negative emotional responses, invoke scorn and discipline. We learn to override our emotional responses early in life, but we have emotions for a reason, and often they carry a lot of wisdom.

 

We learned to override our emotional aversion to school, which made it easier to override our emotional aversion to work. Pretty soon we start to recognize the thump of our heart, as it hits the bottom of a pit of despair, as the call of duty, and we do what we’re supposed to. We learn to expect life to suck. We rationalize it. We invent ethical codes and religions around it. We say it builds character, but have you looked around lately? I see more shallow, greedy, status conscious, small-minded idiots every day, and we here in the US work harder than anyone in the developed world. Is that the kind of character we need more of?

 

We learn how to pretend we like it, saying we love our job, doing extra work and kissing ass to prove it. We learn how to cope with life as a wage slave, while our desires, hopes and dreams turn to bitter resentment. After a while, when your emotions finally realize that you’ll never to listen to them, it all turns to depression. Depression sells pharmaceutical drugs like no other condition on Earth. If you have it, its why you can’t afford to be without health insurance. If you don’t have it, its why you can’t afford health insurance.

 

Depression, refers to the complete loss of enthusiasm for life. You may think emotions are inconvenient, silly, or irrelevant, but when your emotions give up on you, nothing else matters. Your emotions are smarter than they look, but they deserve close scrutiny. If your emotions are telling you to buy something, chances are they are being manipulated.

 

After almost 100 years of subliminal manipulation of our emotions through advertizing and mass media, we often find our emotions working at cross-purposes with our best interests. The 1% uses your emotions against you through a campaign of very sophisticated psychological warfare, carried out through advertizing and media. As a result, the more media you consume, the more inadequate you feel, the more needy you feel, and the more stuff you want.

 

Watching TV instantly turns you into the ugliest, poorest and dullest person in the room, by filling the room with sexy, witty, well-dressed people who completely ignore you. Don’t invite them into your home! Even though they seem to ignore you, everything they say and do is designed to take advantage of you, and use your emotions against you.

 

Not only has the field of psychology completely failed to help the millions of people who suffer from serious mental illness, they have induced mental illness in millions more by collaborating with business to manipulate buying, voting, driving, smoking, or any other kind of behavior they choose. Psychology is not about understanding the mind, psychology is the study of behavior, and how to manipulate it. Right now, thousands of college educated psychologists, with mortgages and student loans to pay off, are telling their bosses how much they love their job, and really knocking themselves out to find new ways to manipulate your behavior, by using your emotions against you.

 

While real rich, snooty obnoxious people might make snide comments about you while they drink all your booze and grind their cigarette butts into your carpet, they wouldn’t have an army of mad scientists orchestrating every word and movement purely for the purpose of taking advantage of you. It really pays dividends in your sanity to strictly limit your exposure to mass media, because that’s how the 1% turns your emotions against you, and you need your emotions on your side.

 

Its worth examining your emotions, because sometimes they well up from the very fiber of your being, and that emotion always has your best interest at heart. Your heart instinctively knows what’s best for you, and it will tell you so. On the other hand, if your heart’s not in it, get your body, mind, time and money out of it as well, and quit telling yourself how much you love it. Remember “the pursuit of happiness”? You will not find happiness by plunging yourself headlong into misery, day in and day out, no matter how much it pays, how proud it makes your parents, or how secure it makes you feel.

 

While you read On The Money; Economic advice for the 99%, pay attention to how your heart reacts to the ideas in this column. If you hear that little voice inside you say “Yes!”, “Right On!”, or even “That’d be nice.” when you read the ideas I present here, it’s because these ideas resonate with who we are as human beings, and our hearts remember what it was like to have meaningful, satisfying lives, instead of working ourselves to death for meaningless stuff.

 

In On The Money; Economic Advice for the 99%, I show you how to break out of those destructive habits that define our sick culture, and help you reclaim your life, your time, your dignity and your humanity, the things that really matter in life. On The Money;Economic Advice for the 99% represents a completely original and revolutionary approach to personal economics that challenges conventional thinking in a way that reveals the deceit, cruelty, and violence of our current economic system, and shows you how to turn the tables on the 1%.

 

So, read this column with an open heart, and realize that economics is bigger than money, its bigger than goods and services, its bigger than “the economy”, in fact. Economics is about how we live, how we exchange goods and services, and our impact on the environment, but economics is also about how we think and feel about our lives, and those things matter a hell of a lot more in life than the GDP, the unemployment rate, or the movements of any stock index. There’s a view of emotions in economics that’s On The Money.

 
 

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The lygsbtd Poly-Phase Personality Profile Test

The lygsbtd Poly-Phase Personality Profile Test

Introduction

If you are like me, you’ve become frustrated by the accuracy of old-fashioned personality tests. Both the Rorschach Ink Blot Test and the Minnesota Multiphase Personality Inventory leave a lot to be desired, especially when you need to put together a specialized focus group. When I’m designing an ad campaign to exploit a particular phobia, neurosis, or compulsion, I need a focus group that shares that weakness. I don’t have the time or inclination to listen to them for hours like a therapist or psychiatrist, and I’m not interested in helping them.

Those other, currently available metrics, while perfectly adequate for the psychiatric health-care community, lack the detail necessary for public relations and advertizing work. I designed this test so I didn’t have to spend so much time around the wackos and nut-jobs that I help corporations take advantage of.

 

Of course, the complete key to scoring the test remains a proprietary secret, but by now, tens of thousands of people have taken the test, so the questions have become public knowledge. While the test reveals nearly everything about the psychological profile of the subject, but on the broadest level, all people who take this test, invariably fall into four main personality types.

 

At the end of the test, I will tell you enough about scoring the test, for you to discover your broad personality type. It surprises many people to learn their personality type, and they often find it interesting, even though that level of analysis really doesn’t help me, as a heartless manipulator of the feeble-minded, much at all. So, I’m happy to share it with you. Also, since you are scoring this test yourself, and not providing me with your answers, you can enjoy the test and learn your personality type, without turning the keys to your mind over to me.

 

To score the test, I suggest that you divide a sheet of paper into four sections, and label them A, B, C, and D. Every time you answer a question, make a hash mark in the section corresponding to the answer you choose. More about scoring after you take the test. Now get started!

The lygsbtd Poly-Phase Personality Profile Test

Phase 1 Basic Intelligence

  1. How many Star Wars movies have you seen?

    A) Every film in the series once

    B) Every film in the series once, and some more than once

    C) Every film in the series once, and any Star Wars film more than 10 times

    D) The original Star Wars film once

  2. If “D”, why?

    A) Lousy dialogue

    B) Shallow Characters

    C) Weak story

    D) Special effects not quite spectacular enough to overcome other weaknesses

Phase 2, Conscious Self-Image

  1. What’s the matter with you?

    A) It’s hereditary

    B) It’s an autoimmune disorder

    C) I was severely traumatized as a child

    D) I blame society

  2. Where do you get off?

    A) Exit 34 S

    B) In a dungeon themed hotel room

    C) At Costco

    D) Any Wifi hotspot

  3. What were you thinking?

    A) It was more of a sexual fantasy than a thought

    B) I hope there’s something funny here

    C) I wonder if they ever did figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie-pop

    D) How long til lunchtime

  4. Where were you on the night of Feb. 17?

    A) At home in my bedroom having sex with an inflatable pig

    B) At an all night prayer vigil for the victims of Jersey Shore

    C) Spinnin’ spliffs and tippin’ 40s wit my homies in da crib

    D) Learning to speak urban slang from an instructional CD

Phase 3, The Subliminal Self

  1. If you were an invertebrate, inhabiting a Northern California tide-pool, would you be…

    A) a Giant Rock Scallop

    B) a Lurid Rock Snail

    C) a Red Rock Crab

    D) a Giant Rock Louse

  2. If your life were a book, who would the author be?

    A) Dr. Seuss

    B) Tom Robbins

    C) Franz Kafka

    D) Stephen King

  3. Which of these movies do you most identify with

    A) Zombieland

    B) Sid and Nancy

    C) Fight Club

    D) Eraserhead

  4. If you were a bottle of shampoo, would you be…

    A) Concentrated Prell

    B) Medicated Head and Shoulders

    C) Pantene with Protein and conditioners

    D) Suave

  5. If you were an over-the-counter medication, would you be…

    A) Compound W

    B) Preparation H

    C) Coricidan D

    D) Exedrin PM

  6. If you were an illegal drug, would you be

    A) LSD

    B) PCP

    C) DMT

    D) MDMA

  7. If you were a cartoon character, would you be…

    A) Bugs Bunny

    B) Charlie Brown

    C) Scooby Doo

    D) Hong Kong Phooey

  8. If you were a criminal offense, would you be…

    A) Murder 1

    B) Grand Theft Auto

    C) Breaking and Entering

    D) Vagrancy

  9. If you were a moving violation, would you be…

    A) Speeding

    B) Driving Under the Influence

    C) Failure to yield the right of way

    D) Reckless operation

  10. If you were a member of The Beatles, would you be…

    A) John Lennon

    B) Paul McCartney

    C) George Harrison

    D) Ringo Starr

  11. If you were a member of The Bangles, would you be…

    A) Susana Hoffs

    B) Vicki Peterson

    C) Debbie Peterson

    D) Annette Zilinskas

  12. If you were a member of The Rolling Stones, would you be…

    A) Mick Jagger

    B) Kieth Richards

    C) Bill Wyman

    D) Charlie Watts

  13. If you were a member of The Chipmunks, would you be…

    A) Alvin

    B) Theodore

    C) Simon

    D) Dave

  14. If you were a tropical fruit, would you be…

    A) pineapple

    B) banana

    C) guava

    D) mango

  15. If you were a cruciferous vegetable, would you be…

    A) broccoli

    B) Brussels sprouts

    C) Cauliflower

    D) cabbage

  16. If you were a large carnivorous reptile, would you be…

    A) a salt-water crocodile

    B) a Burmese python

    C) an American Alligator

    D) a Gila monster

  17. If you were a fast food chain, would you be…

    A) McDonalds

    B) Wendy’s

    C) Taco Bell

    D) Pizza Hut

  18. If you were a snack food, would you be..

    A) potato chips

    B) cheese curls

    C) Oreo cookies

    D) Twinkies

  19. If you were a major environmental catastrophe, would you be..

    A) Chernobyl nuclear explosion

    B) Fukushima nuclear meltdown

    C) BP Macondo well blowout

    D) Bhopal chemical plant disaster

  20. If you were a twentieth-century international bloodbath, would you be…

    A) WWI

    B) WWII

    C) The Korean Conflict

    D) The Vietnam War

Phase 4, Overt Attitude Towards Others

  1. Which of these statements best describes your attitude towards others

    A) Give, so that others may live

    B) Live and let live

    C) Live and let die

    D) Kill, kill, kill

  2. On average, how many other people do you have to deal with on a daily basis

    A) Less than 5

    B) 5-10

    C) 11-49

    D) 50 or more

  3. What is your attitude towards children

    A) They should be seen, heard and listened to

    B) They should be seen, but not heard

    C) They should be heard, but not seen

    D) They should never be seen or heard from again

Phase 5, Unconscious Attitude Towards Others

  1. If other people were the ocean, would you be…

    A) Jacques Cousteau

    B) Flipper

    C) a Somali pirate

    D) The Titanic

  2. If other people were dogs, would you be…

    A) a cat

    B) another dog

    C) the postman

    D) a fire hydrant

  3. If other people were cats, would you be

    A) a dog

    B) another cat

    C) a mouse

    D) catnip

  4. If other people were mice, would you be

    A) cheese

    B) a cat

    C) a hamster

    D) an old lady with a broom

Phase 6, Overt World-View

  1. Is the world…

    A) a blessed and benevolent place

    B) a place where only the strong survive

    C) an illusion of our own making

    D) a place of wickedness

  2. When was the last time you had sex outdoors

    A) today

    B) in the past month

    C) in the past year

    D) more than a year ago

Phase 7, Unconscious World View

  1. Which of these films best describes your relationship to the world

    A) Saving Private Ryan

    B) Being There

    C) Alice in Wonderland

    D) Silence of the Lambs

  2. In the Great Pizza Pie of Life, are you..

    A) the crust

    B) the sauce

    C) the cheese

    D) the pepperoni

  3. If life is a highway, are you…

    A) in the fast lane

    B) in the slow lane

    C) in the breakdown lane

    D) dropping rocks from an overpass bridge

Phase 8, Overt Attitude Towards the Author and His Work

  1. Are you with me so far?

    A) I didn’t get past the title

    B) It looks like a hella long list of questions, this one just popped out at me

    C) Yeah, is it gonna get funny soon?

    D) Yes, Master

  2. How do you feel about me, as the author of this test, as the author of this blog, and as a person

    A) I want to have your baby

    B) I like you because I enjoy reading your blog

    C) I don’t like you because I’ve met you in real life

    D) I hate your guts and wish you were dead, but here I am reading your blog

  3. When do you read this blog

    A) When I’m bored at work

    B) Never, I just look at the pictures

    C) 5 times a day, religiously

    D) Only when you write about me

  4. Would you have sex with this blog if…

    A) It lost some weight

    B) It had bigger tits

    C) It wore sexier clothes and flirted more

    D) It brushed its teeth once in a while

  5. What would you like to see more of in this blog

    A) naked dead people

    B) stuff that’s on fire

    C) people with weird diseases

    D) titties

Phase 9, Unconscious attitude towards the author and his work

  1. If this blog were a 5,000 year-old stone statue of a venerated deity from a long-dead civilization, would you…

    A) smash it to bits

    B) put it in your garden

    C) sell it on Ebay

    D) worship it

  2. If this blog were on fire would you be…

    A) a volunteer firefighter

    B) the arsonist

    C) a rubbernecking gawker

    D) a burn victim

  3. If this blog were the assassination of JFK, would you be…

    A) the grassy knoll

    B) the Zapruder film

    C) Lee Harvey Oswald

    D) Jackie Kennedy

  4. If this blog were Global Climate Change, would you be…

    A) the Ross Ice Shelf

    B) American Samoa

    C) a polar bear

    D) a California Superstorm

  5. If this blog were a flying insect, would it be…

    A) a firefly

    B) a mosquito

    C) a dragonfly

    D) a June-bug

  6. If this blog were a brand of cat food, would it be…

    A) Happy Cat

    B) Purina Cat Chow

    C) 9Lives Seafood Platter

    D) Fancy Feast

  7. If this blog were a TV sitcom, would it be…

    A) 30 Rock

    B) The Office

    C) Gilligan’s Island

    D) I Love Lucy

  8. If this blog were a tattoo, would it be…

    A) a flaming,bug-eyed skull

    B) a dragon

    C) a naked woman with big tits

    D) gullible white boy, written in Chinese characters

  9. If this blog were a strain of weed, would it be…

    A) Green Crack

    B) Trainwreck/BC Kush

    C) Sexi-Mexi

    D) Nebraska Ditch Weed

  10. If this blog were a serial killer, would it be

    A) John Wayne Gacy

    B) Jeffery Dahmer

    C) Hannibal Lector

    D) Charles Manson

Phase 10, Gratuitous Questions to Satisfy the Authors Prurient Interest

  1. Have you ever had an interesting, unusual or particularly memorable sexual experience

    A) No

    B) Yes

    C) Maybe

    D) ask again, later

  2. If “B” above, please describe, in as much detail as possible, in the comments section below.

Scoring the Test:

now that you’ve taken the test, add up how many times you answered A, B, C, and D respectively.

Type A Personality

If you answered A more often than B,C, or D, you probably didn’t take the time to read the other answers thoroughly. Type A personalities tend to be impatient, always one step ahead of themselves. If you are a Type A personality, slow down, take time to smell the coffee before you inject it directly into your veins.

Type B Personality

If you answered B more often than you answered A, C, or D, its probably because you learned in school, that if you don’t know the answer to a multiple choice test question, go with B because statistically, B is right more often than other answers. While that may be true in school, in this test, your B answers tell me that you are the kind of person who plays it safe. Type B personalities avoid undue risk. They are careful, perhaps too careful. They avoid unprotected sex with strangers, don’t share hypodermic needles, don’t talk on their cell phone while driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and never, ever wear white after Labor Day. In other words, they are as boring as rocks.

Type C Personality

If you answered C more often than you answered A, B, or D, you probably speak Spanish, and did not understand the questions. Gracias por participar. Tenga un buen día.

Type D Personality

People who answered D more often than they answered A, B, or C… If you answered D more often than you answered A,B, or C… If you answered D more often than A, B, or C, …than, um, …what was it? Oh yeah, short term memory loss. If you answered D more often that A, B, or C, its because you suffer from short term memory loss. In case you forgot, you just took the new lygsbtd Poly-Phase Personality Profile test.

Statistical Margin of Error

If you answered A, B, C, and D, an equal number of times, you did not add correctly. Roughly 10% of all subjects who take the test will incorrectly tally their score.

 
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Posted by on February 21, 2012 in Humor, necrophilia, psychology

 

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On The Money, TV Advertizing

On The Money

Financial Advice for the Working-Class

TV Advertizing

Even though our culture was pretty sick before TV, and the age of modern advertizing, advertizing, especially TV advertizing, has dramatically altered our culture. These changes have had a detrimental long term effect on our health, as a culture and as individuals.

On the other hand, capitalism, has benefited greatly from the ubiquity of television, and especially TV advertizing. I sincerely doubt that capitalism could have maintained the pattern of growth necessary to keep it from collapsing, without the dramatic changes in our culture, brought about through TV.

Your great grandparents, who survived the Great Depression, still knew how to make things for themselves, hunted, grew, or at least prepared their own food. They didn’t need an endless string of shiny new distractions to keep their minds off of the emptiness of their lives, partly because their lives weren’t so empty.

They didn’t mind wearing the same patched clothes, day in and day out, because that’s what everyone did. They only bathed once a week. They quilted, sewed, and knitted. They had hobbies, like pigeon racing, amateur radio or spelunking. They played baseball. They played board games with the family. They played the piano and sang. They drank.

They listened to the radio, and bless its little vacuum-tube soul, the radio only tried to sell them stuff based on the merits of the product. The radio told them, for instance, “more doctors smoke Camel cigarettes than any other brand” and “Maxwell House coffee, good to the last drop.” That kind of advertizing seems downright wholesome compared to what lay ahead in the coming age of television.

By the time TV went color, it had already turned our world upside-down. Who benefited from this upheaval? Would capitalism have survived without the huge growth in the soap and cosmetics industries precipitated by the popularity of soap operas? Would Detroit automakers have sold nearly so many cars, without the aid of TV ads? Would that dramatic, across the board increase in consumption have happened without TV? I think not.

Television made cars look exciting. Television made smoking look cool. Television made a suburban middle-class lifestyle look normal. Television went after our children, in a way radio never did, with programming aimed directly at them, full of ads for toys, candy and sugary cereals. Television made Christmas into the orgy of spending that it has become.

Television changed our behavior in ways that made us hungrier for their products, and measured their success only in terms of units sold. Television effectively transformed our culture, purely for the benefit of capital, completely ignoring the effect this had on our psyche, the quality of our lives, and the sustainability of our lifestyle. Born to parents who’s lives had already been transformed, along with their culture, to serve the needs of capitalism, we are the product of this transformation.

So, how did TV turn us from slightly smelly, independent, self-reliant people into needy, greedy squeaky-clean thing-fiends? TV became the dominant social force of the 20th Century by making us feel inadequate.

By constantly showing us people who looked better than us, dressed better than us, and more importantly, were better lit, directed and rehearsed than us, TV programs steadily eroded our self-confidence. At the same time, commercials offered us a world of products, all advertized with campaigns designed not to tout the merits of the product, but to sell our self-confidence back to us.

No one noticed, or cared about those little flakes of dandruff, or thought they were anything but normal. No one made character judgments based dandruff. Only TV could convince you that a guy who thought you were hot, would change his mind once he saw the flakes. But people on TV never had flakes.

For years, TV showed us fictional people who were brighter, wittier, more successful and more virtuous than us. When TV showed “real” people, that invariably meant athletes, performing artists, writers etc., always at the pinnacle of their career. Normal people only appeared on TV as game show contestants, where we repeatedly demonstrated how stupid, greedy and craven we were.

As a result, we quit playing the piano and singing, because we really weren’t that good anyway, at least compared to The Osmond Brothers or The Partridge Family. We quit our hobbies, because we could all watch “the big game” on TV, and we stopped talking to each other, because someone smarter, funnier or more entertaining always had something else to say.

We lost a lot of cultural diversity, within our own culture, during that time. Pigeon races, pool halls, and piano teachers all felt the pinch, as people retired from a whole range of leisure activities, to watch TV. Cultural diversity, within the culture, went from a whole variety of activities, each with their own skill sets, knowledge, and physical activity, to which shows you watch.

After a generation of that, we don’t even know enough to answer questions on a game show. Instead, they pit us against each other in elimination competitions, like Survivor or American Idol. These are televised cock-fights, with human beings in the pit. They reinforce the futility of trying to compete in the global economy.

In one-on-one, head to head competition, in a tournament with seven-billion contestants, you have a better chance of hitting the lottery than succeeding in the global economy, on the strength of your own talents. So, why subject yourself to the humiliation of being berated by Simon Cowell? Just get used to living week to week, and good at groveling.

These days TV has to make you feel bad about yourself, cheap. TV no longer commands the media market share that it once held, as more and more people turn to the internet. Where TV allowed corporate interests to exploit known human character weaknesses, the internet helps them discover new ones, and new ways to exploit them.

The internet functions as a gigantic marketing focus group, allowing corporate ad agencies to analyze human behavior on an unprecedented scale. They no longer have to think about how people in general will respond to their sales pitch. They’re now learning what you, as an individual, respond to, and pitching to you individually, based on your own particular insecurities, which they’ve discovered by monitoring your behavior.

This is why we’re fatter, we do less, and we don”t know how to make anything for ourselves anymore. We can’t bear to pull away from these screens anymore, because they’ve become the central focus of our lives, replacing all else. We’re so strung-out now, not only do we pay for the glowing box, we pay for the content. Every month millions of us pay for cable or satellite TV, internet service, and increasingly, a data plan for the mobile phone as well. It’s become a utility, like water or electricity, that we can no longer live without. We can no longer live without it, because of the vast hole that it has created in our lives.

This kind of exploitation wears us down, as people. Normal life becomes more stressful and less rewarding, as we become increasingly insecure and needy. People lose social skills as they spend less time in social situations and more time with their devices. Because of this, difficult social situations become impossible, leading to strategies of denial and repression.

Conversation and public discourse become lost arts, replaced by pundits pushing wedge issues and horse race politics. Not that I think democracy has any redeeming value, but conversation, discussion and debate sure do, and losing this ability cripples us as social creatures. So, while capitalism has flourished in this new media rich environment, we as people have not fared as well. I think its time we acknowledge the damage it has done to our culture, self-concept, and our quality of life.

 

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