On The Money; Soaring Over the Fiscal Cliff

On The Money;

Economics for the 99%

Soaring Over the Fiscal Cliff

Here we go again. Last year we hit “the debt ceiling” this year we go over “the fiscal cliff”. It’s like Congress has devolved into a game of Super Mario Cart, and any minute we’re going to slip on that banana peel called “entitlement reform” and go careening out-of-control. It’s ridiculous. There’s no cliff, there’s no ceiling and there’s no such thing as “the debt crisis”.

Don’t get me wrong. We have crisis. We have plenty of real crises that demand our immediate attention. Here’s a short list:

Global Climate Change

Global Ecosystem collapse

Human Overpopulation

Loss of Biological Diversity

Loss of Cultural Diversity

Nuclear Proliferation/Waste

Homelessness/Poverty

Out-of-Control Health Care Costs

Call me when you get a handle on those, will ya. I mean, if you got nothing better to do, put your attention where it might do some good.

Seriously folks, we didn’t mind sailing right past the tipping point on global warming. We barely blinked when human population surpassed 7 billion, and over a hundred species of living creature disappear off of the face of the Earth every single day without any acknowledgment whatsoever.

It’s not like these crises don’t have real implications for us, our future, and our kids future. Life will get harder. The crises they face will be greater. Their standard of living will suffer and we will leave them a much less beautiful and more poisonous world.

And it’s not like things are so much better for us because we ignore these real crisis. Wages continue to decline, housing costs continue to rise, and health-care costs go through the roof because how we live makes us sick. We’re already killing ourselves, to kill the planet to make the greediest one-tenth of 1% of our population even more obscenely rich, but that doesn’t bother us. No, the real crisis, they expect us to believe, is that someday… someday, China might not loan the Federal Government enough money to fight another stupidly adventurous, unpopular foreign war, unless we chop what’s left of our social safety net, to bits, now. Either that, or we could tax the rich, but that seems to be a non-starter, unless we cut the safety net too.

Either way, Congress set a deadline, and unless we meet that deadline, a lot of people will lose their jobs, a lot of people will lose their benefits, and everyone else’s taxes will go up, and since none of those people are congress-people, there’s not much chance that Congress will meet that deadline.

Unless…

Obama can put together a “Grand Bargain”. Watch out for this “Grand Bargain”, where the rich pay a little bit more in taxes, they stick an apple in the mouth of the middle-class, and the poor and the young take a spit up the ass.

It’ll be just like Obamacare. It’ll take a complete ripoff, and make it mandatory. Obamacare didn’t reign in health-care costs, Obamacare just fed the healthy and the young to the insurance industry sharks. When politicians talk about serving the American people, that’s what they mean. Politicians serve us to the 1% for dinner, and that’s what this imaginary “fiscal cliff” is all about.

So forget about it. Forget about the “fiscal cliff”. Do you own any Treasury bonds? Then what are you worried about. If someone is buying you drinks, what do you care about their credit rating, and if they’re not buying you drinks, why hang out with them. If government isn’t doing anything good, why throw good money after bad.

Don’t worry about burdening your kids with a huge national debt. You’ve already stuck them with enough real problems, and sold them so far down the river that you’d better hope they grow up as stupid and gullible as their parents, or else you are going to have a lot of explaining to do. There’s a view of the “fiscal cliff” that’s On The Money.

A Candidate Sends Me a Sponge

A Candidate Sends Me A Sponge

 

With so many candidates in the field for the new CA 2^nd Congressional District, a person could waste a lot of time gathering enough information to make an informed choice in the matter. Of course, if we had any sense, we’d do away with congress altogether. The problem with the single most destructive force on planet Earth is not that it needs better leadership. No, to stop the single most destructive force on planet Earth, people have to stop believing in congress.

 

In my book, running for congress speaks poorly of your character as a person. If you expect me to believe that you can change the violent, oppressive and destructive nature of the US empire by working within this corrupt, dysfunctional and wrongheaded system, you are too stupid, crazy, and/or dishonest, for me to want anything more to do with you. These candidates all deserve a punch in the nose, more than they do my vote. They want us to believe in Santa Claus, and then they want us to believe that they are Santa Claus.

 

In this regard, Jared Huffman might be on the right track. He sent me a sponge, something I could actually use. Unfortunately, I don’t care much for sponges. I don’t use them much, for one thing, and they also hold some negative connotations for me. Sponges suck. That’s what they do. That’s why you call someone who drinks up all of your beer, or eats all of your food, or smokes all of your pot, a “sponge”. I expect that Jared Huffman is eager to sponge up my tax dollars. Thanks to this generous gift, I will always think of him that way.

 

I recently referred to our two 2^nd District Supervisor candidates as slimy dish sponges, Jared wants me to know that he’s one too. Hey, at least he sent me something I could use. That puts him well ahead of the rest of the pack. What have they done to buy my vote? Nothing, so far. What do these other candidates have to do to to make me favor them over Huffman? Simple, they just have to give me something I like better than a stupid sponge.

 

Maybe a nice pen, for instance. As a writer I appreciate pens, especially nice ones. Our local credit union, back in more profitable times, used to give away nice retractable soft-grip pens. They had sturdy metal clips that that didn’t snap off, a nice fat tapered barrel and a layer of translucent gel to get a grip on. They seemed a little spendy, but I liked them, and those pens made me like the credit union much more. I miss those pens.

 

These days, the credit union gets these cheapo pens with straight barrels in hideous colors and cheap plastic clips that snap off at the slightest tug, and the worst thing about them is that they don’t write for shit!!! They fake you out by writing a word or two, then nothing. You scribble away for a second, and just when you are about to give up, they start writing again. So you write another couple of words, and they stop again. This gets old, fast, even for a free pen. These new credit union pens are so frustrating that I finally rounded them all up and threw them all away. Now I resent the credit union for wasting money on cheap, useless, swag pens.

 

So, candidates, if you are going to send me a pen, make it a nice one, one that still works come election day. That would make me happy. I also have a nice little tape measure that was once a promotional item. Its only one and one-quarter inch square and three-eighths inch deep, (yes, I used it to measure itself) and holds seven feet of tape. Its so small that its easy to carry in my pocket. I don’t leave home without it. It’s at least thirty years old and has seen so much use that all the paint has worn off of the first two inches. If a politician had given it to me, he’d still be in office.

 

Do you remember “Bat Day” at the ballpark? Everyone who came to the ballgame that day got a, not quite regulation size, baseball bat. Even though these bats lacked sufficient mass to hit home-runs, they were perfect for cracking skulls and made effective murder weapons. I’ve seen lots of baseball themed political signs this election season, a bat giveaway might score a grand-slam for some politician soon.

 

Better yet, ask your doctor. Ask you doctor what was the sweetest swag he’s gotten from drug makers this year. The pharmaceutical industry always busts out the best swag. They give out pens that work, with four colors of ink, and a built in highlighter, flashlight and laser pointer. I’ve seen doctors offices decorated entirely in “Cialis”. So, you politicians who can actually afford to see a doctor, ask them what kinds of bribes work best, and then make with the goodies.

 

Wouldn’t it be great if politicians stopped wasting their money on junk mail, TV attack ads and hideous billboards that pollute the countryside, and stopped wasting our time with weaselly, misleading, and unrealistic campaign rhetoric, and instead just sent us all something nice. I wouldn’t mind seeing them raise so much campaign cash if I knew that’s how they would spend it.

 

I really think you could tell more about the candidate from the swag they send you, as you can from the onslaught of advertizing we endure each election cycle. Think of the possibilities: A ball cap sends a very different message than a T-shirt. A corkscrew speaks to a different constituency than a bottle opener, and a flashlight does not mean the same thing as a lighter. Each candidate would only send you a card and a gift, that’s all! If they can’t get their message across in that format they’ve got no business running for office.

 

No more stupid TV ads, no more bins overflowing with junk mail, no more ugly campaign signs, instead, elections will be like Christmas. In fact, we should have elections at Christmas time, and let the politicians do all of our Christmas shopping for us. Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t it be great to actually get something nice from democracy for a change? But really, Jared, the sponge doesn’t cut it.

Some Tips to Help the GOP “Mainstream” the Tea Party

Disclaimer. You know, if I had ever seen Jersey Shore, or knew who Justin Bieber was, I would probably make jokes about them, just like everyone else, but I have a low tolerance for popular culture. On the other hand, I don’t want to turn this into a political blog. I really don’t think anyone in the political arena deserves more attention than “Snooky”, whoever she is. However, The Professor suggested I take a look at this year’s crop of Republican presidential candidates.

Helping the GOP “Mainstream” the Tea Party

Michelle Bachmann Entertains Donors in Iowa

The Professor is right. What an amusing crop of GOP presidential candidates we have this year. I really like this new “Tea Party” wing of the GOP. They’re passionate, colorful, incoherent and rebellious, like hippies used to be. They don’t care if people think they are crazy. They don’t care if people think they are stupid. They drank the kool-aid and now they’re mad as hell and they’re not going to take it anymore. I’m totally with them there.

TX Gov. Rick Perry Knows It Will Take More Than "Tea-bagging" to win the Presidency

Most pollsters concur, however, that the extreme positions of the Tea Party contingent fall outside of mainstream public opinion. I know how they feel. But, I’ve got a few ideas on how the Tea Party could hone their message in a way that it could attract a broader support base, because with a few small changes, I could really get behind them myself.

We already have so much in common: I’m for smaller government. I’m vindictive and full of hate. I like guns and want to kill people. I’d vote for a candidate who would cut spending, especially if he did it this way:

Eliminate veterans benefits, the GI Bill and the VA. Let’s just eliminate these entitlement programs once and for all. Why should military personnel enjoy these “Cadillac” pensions and benefits packages, paid for by taxpayers? People working in the private sector have mostly conceded to volatile 401K plans and high-copay minimal coverage health insurance, at best, just to “keep America competitive”. Just because you went to Afghanistan to kill brown people for Dick Cheney, don’t expect any favors from me. If we can’t afford pensions for teachers, construction workers, office managers, factory workers, or line cooks and wait-staff for that matter, why should they be forced to pay these exorbitant taxes to cover the pensions of people who’s only real purpose is to destroy life and property. Taxpayers should not “incentivise” this kind of destructive behavior with these excessive and unwarranted benefits.

Lay-off the military. Remember, “A gang is a weapon that you trade your mind for, and the military is the biggest gang of all” Perry Ferrell said that, and he knew what he was talking about. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. We can stop 90% of all gang violence in the world by just cutting military spending, not just “to the bone”, but through the bone.

Not one more dime! Clean out your office and go home. We’re selling the Pentagon off as condominiums, renovation starts tomorrow. Troops still on active duty in Iraq or Afghanistan will have to pay for their own ticket home. If they decide to stay, they’ll have to get a fucking job! As for their weapons….

Free Guns. I say, “The American people paid for those weapons. Those weapons belong to the American people, and the American people should have them.” Disband the military and give the American people the weapons they paid for. From hand-grenades to nuclear submarines, we’ve got something for every American man, woman and child. We the People can defend our country!

No more unpopular wars in obscure places, thousands of miles away, that most of us couldn’t even point to on a map! Let’s have popular wars, against the people we really hate, the Mexicans, and the Canadians if they step out of line. If the American people are going to pay for a war, dammit, the American people deserve to experience it first-hand, not just see it on TV.

Lay off Congress. If we eliminate the military, and we stop paying taxes, Congress won’t have a hell of a lot to do. So why pay for all of those offices and salaries and “Bentley” benefits packages. Let the bastards get real jobs in the real economy.

The Supreme Court too. We could live without the Supreme Court, no problem. Mostly, they uphold the founding American principle that “Might makes Right”. We don’t need courts to uphold that principle. So, why should we pay for them?

Make Miss America President. Of course, we need a president. Every country needs a figurehead to entertain foreign dignitaries. We need someone who is a picture of decorum and poise, and knows how to work a room. In other words, we need Miss America. This annual beauty pageant faces declining TV ratings lately. Adding the title of President of the United States, and residence in The White House to the prize would pump some life into this venerable American institution.

By combining the title of Miss. America, with that of President of the United States, we can insure that most other countries will want to have friendly relations with us. We can also show women everywhere that the “glass ceiling” has finally shattered. Every American girl will grow up knowing that she could, one day, be President of the United States, so long as she looks really hot, and doesn’t act too slutty.

If I could trust these Tea Party Republicans to drown government in a bathtub like they promised, I’d be partying with them now, but all they want to do is punish poor people. That’s just stupid. How do you punish people who have nothing?

What would you do, make them sleep outside in the elements, wake them up whenever they fall asleep, and force them to keep moving? That’s how we treat them already. We already torture the poor, and blame them for everything from global warming to to the bank bail-out. Somehow this fails to dissuade people from becoming poor. Every year we have more and more poor people. Angry poor people, like myself, are a growing demographic that the GOP can no longer afford to ignore.

The Republicans need a new scapegoat…Like, maybe the super-rich. I already hate the rich. I can easily believe that the rich caused the housing crisis, global warming, the bank bail-out, the immigration problem, 911, even poverty. You don’t even have to provide me much evidence. I know it’s true. I can feel it in my bones. It resonates. Punish the super-rich. That’s an easy sell if ever I heard one.

Punish the “job creators”. Jobs suck! Jobs just discourage entrepreneurship, innovation, and the kind of independence that made this country strong. We don’t want a nation of drones who expect a fat paycheck just for showing up at work every day. We want a nation of imaginative, self-motivated people who act on their own ideas and can build the kind of nation we all want to live in.

Close schools. We don’t need schools. Schools just teach the same outdated ideas that got us into this mess.

Fuggetabout roads. We don’t need roads. If you’re not going to work, and you’re not going to school, where the hell do you think you are going? We just need Freedom, Liberty, Free Guns, Crazy Ideas, and a really hot President.

DRILL!!!! SARAH!!!! NOW!!!!

That’s a vision of America I could get behind, and the Tea Party should too.