Category Archives: words

Please Buy My New Book: On The Money: Economics for the 99%, How the Economy Works, and Why It Works Against You.

OTM ebook cover

At last, I am very pleased to announce the publication of my first book: On The Money: Economics for the 99% or, How The Economy Works and Why It Works Against You. If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you’ll remember On The Money: Economics for the 99% as a series of weekly essays that appeared here from 2011-13.

OTM WHAT DID CAVEMEN KNOW

Besides offering a thought provoking, phenomenological analysis of our current economic system, On The Money: Economics for the 99% contains some of my best and funniest writing. The fact that Savage Henry Magazine and Fifth Estate Magazine have both published essays from the On The Money: Economics for the 99% series, should tell you that On The Money: Economics fro the 99% is both funny enough for stupid people and radical enough for smart people.

stupid_creates

Essays from the On The Money: Economics for the 99% series remain some of the most popular posts here at lygsbtd, and you can still find them highly ranked on my “most read” (“Stuff People Read”) section in the right-hand column. My new book, On The Money: Economics for the 99% contains classics like:

classics like
Gilligan’s Island as Economic Metaphor
Barbie v Bratz
Hello, My Name is Civilization and I’m an Alcoholic
MyPee
How To Party Now That the Party’s Over
Unemployment
Foie Gras
Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse
along with 62 other great essays first published here. I’ve revised and updated them all, so they’re even funnier and more relevant than before. Even if you’ve already read all of these essays before, out of order, and over the course of three years, you haven’t seen the whole picture. You owe it to yourself to read the book in it’s completion. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

whole is greater

You owe it to me too! For three and a half years now I pour myself out for you. Every week, thousands of you come here for some little respite from your miserable lives. You slurp up whatever I have to offer, and then you slink away. Well it’s time to pay the piper!

Pay_the_piper

What’s it worth to you folks?

worth it6

We’re only talking about $5 here! That works out to about 14 essays, or 14,000 carefully chosen words, for each dollar. That’s a hell of a bargain if you ask me, and you’ve had plenty of opportunity to sample the wares, so don’t tell me you’re not interested, because you’re here, for God’s sake.

you are here snake

Please, if my work means anything to you, and you want to see this blog continue, buy a copy of On The Money: Economics for the 99%. You won’t regret it. On The Money: Economics for the 99% is a great book. You’ll love reading it. I love reading it, and I hate to read. I guarantee that you will not find a more entertaining or informative book about economics anywhere, at any price.

OTM CLICK HERE NOW

You need to know this stuff. On The Money: Economics for the 99% examines our modern economy from the perspective of someone who has to live in it. This book explains how the economy consumes you, your world, and your future.

OTM gas flare

To save yourself, you need to know how the economy really works. Your future depends on it. I know you don’t want to think about it. That’s why I always look for the weird angle, and try to keep it playful. If you can laugh at it, you can beat it.

OTM ever wonder duck

Come on folks! I am your writer. I tell the truth, and I make it entertaining. You may not always agree with me. Hell, you may not ever agree with me, but something brings you back, week after week. Well, if you want to keep coming back, and finding new stuff here, show some appreciation for the three and a half years of my life I’ve already given you. Even if you can’t read, and just come here to look at the pictures,PLEASE, BUY MY FUCKING BOOK! It has a great cover!

OTM promo DETAILS AMAZING

I’m serious people! I need your help right now. $5 from you will make a huge impact on my life, and you’ll get a great 70,000 word ebook, that I put a hell of a lot of work into, to read at your leisure. Put it on your card, charge it to your pay pal account, however you want to do it is fine, just DO IT NOW!! Please.

OTM everyone buys it

And buy a copy for a friend. Surely you know someone who really needs to see things from a different perspective. Give On The Money: Economics for the 99% as a gift. Infect others with these ideas, don’t just let them fester inside your own head. On The Money: Economics for the 99% has the potential to change the economy, by changing the way people see it.

OTM because life

It’s going to take a movement folks, and the more people who read On The Money: Economics for the 99%, the faster that movement will grow. So, please, get the word, and spread the word. On The Money: Economics for the 99% is the book everyone must read today.

can u longgif


Word Power; Grangerize

 

wordpower

Word Power

Building Your Vocabulary One word at a Time

grangerize wordgrangerize

 

 

grangerize (grain jer eyes) v to illustrate by inserting engravings or photographs from other books. Also to mutilate books to obtain material for such illustrations. Derived from the English author James Granger, who used this method to illustrate his book: Biographical History of England.

 

James Granger

James Granger

 

How about that! There’s a word to describe the method I use to illustrate this blog.

grangerize1

I guess that makes me a grangerizer. …or maybe I could call myself a Granger Ranger.

granger ranger

 


Word Power; Misology

 

wordpowerWord Power

 

Building Your Vocabulary One Word at a Time

 

Misology

 

misology album

 

misology (miz olleh gee) n hatred of argument, reason or enlightenment

 

misology sarah palin

 

Usually the suffix “ology” at the end of a word means “science of” whatever the first part of the word refers to. In this case, however, “misology” does not refer to the science of hatred, but rather the hatred of science.

 

i hate science

 

Personally, I enjoy a good argument. I don’t go out of my way to start them, and I do my best to avoid them at parties or other social events, but I find debate invigorating and I’m open to having my mind changed by a thoughtful and well reasoned position.

fuck you science

I don’t think that argument is necessarily a great way to uncover the truth of a matter, but I still find them a worthwhile intellectual exercise.

girls hate science

 

Many people however, find any dispute distasteful. They want harmony and positivity at all times. Strong opinions, controversial ideas and differing perspectives make them uncomfortable, and will likely provoke a hostile response. For them, small talk is big enough, I guess.

keep calm hate science

 


Word Power; Insessorial

wordpower

Word Power;

Building your Vocabulary One Word at a Time

Insessorial

perching

insessorial (in seh ‘sore ee ehl) adj perching, or adapted for perching

crow_02q1

OK, we have a word, a nice adjective that they probably use often in the field of ornithology. I think you might find it useful in other circumstances as well. I don’t think I’ve ever come across it in context before, but when I stumbled across it in my dictionary I thought it noteworthy.

noteworthy

When I looked “insessorial” up online, however, I found this definition which gives us a little more information about the ornithological origins of this word, and provides us with a curious example of the word’s use in literature.

insessorial-definition short

What the fuck was Guy Davenport trying to say in 1974? I mean, I understand that Bruno is not lactating in order to provide nourishment for his coffee. I get the first half of this sentence. Bruno is standing by the fire slowly sipping his coffee, but what the fuck is going on in the last half of that sentence. Unless Bruno has a bantam rooster stuffed in his trousers, the last half of that sentence makes no sense.

man with two cocks

I assume that by “cock” Guy Davenport means “penis”. Then you get to “snub and insessorial” which according to my dictionary must mean “short and perched like a bird”.

bird perched on fist

A penis does not perch like a bird. A penis can dangle, waggle, protrude, penetrate or flop, but it does not perch like a bird.

penis

And where is Bruno’s penis allegedly perched? “…in the codpiece of his curt briefs” Briefs don’t have a “codpiece”. Suits of armor have codpieces. Trousers from the 15th and 16th century had codpieces, but not briefs in 1974. Briefs have a “hammock” or “pouch”, but not a “codpiece”, and they’re “briefs” for god’s sake, no need to tell us they are “curt”, or “short”. Have you ever seen long briefs?

briefs

So Bruno is standing around the fire, sipping coffee in his underwear. Guy Davenport, on the other hand has surrounded Bruno’s dick with flowery, nonsensical language, even though it, and in this case “it” can refer to either the penis or the language, is doing nothing.

Much-Ado-About-Nothing

All of this points to one thing. Someone, perhaps you, needs to find a better use for the word insessorial in writing. dictionary of hard words


Word Power; Toxophilite

wordpower

Word Power; Toxophilite

Toxophilite (tock ‘soph eh light) n One fond of or expert at archery

advanced-archery

Which reminds me of a particularly paradoxical toxophilite I once knew. A nationally ranked archer, expert and avid bow hunter, vegetarian and radical PETA activist, he also collected guns and military ephemera. I got to know him when we worked together at Greepeace. Interesting guy, played guitar pretty well too. It takes all kinds, I guess.

archery harder than it looks


Bring Me the Head of “Heraldo”

Bring Me the Head of “Heraldo”

 

Well the North Coast Journal finally published its annual “Best of Humboldt” issue, and once again, this blog, “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” made the cut. This year, my blog tied for fourth place with the Humboldt Herald.

 

Frankly, I don’t have time for, or much interest in, reading a lot of other blogs, and I’ve never heard anything good about the Humboldt Herald. So, before today, I’d never even glanced at it. I’d heard that the Humboldt Herald was a cesspool of moronic political bickering, so I assumed that it was Eureka’s answer to Eric Kirk’s blog, SoHum Parlance.

 

Sure enough, who’s name do I see at the top of the page at Humboldt Herald? Eric Kirk’s, but apparently some anonymous joker, who calls himself “Heraldo”, runs the Humboldt Herald. I wouldn’t put my real name on that disease either, were I responsible for it.

 

I didn’t spend a lot of time there, but it looks like the same kind of bland, self-important, rhetorical regurgitation you’d expect from Eric Kirk. I didn’t see one post that I really wanted to read, and what I did read, seemed to me the product of small, narrow minds, without much imagination, so I’m more than a little disappointed to have tied with them.

 

You’ll recall that last year we fought this campaign down to a tie, as well. In 2011, Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do tied with Chocolate Covered Xanax for 5th place. Chocolate Covered Xanax rocks, at least it did then. Well written, with beautiful photographs, Chocolate Covered Xanax has style, humor and elegance. It’s a real class act. I was proud to tie with Chocolate Covered Xanax. Apparently Kristabel has better things to do these days. It’s been a while since she’s updated CCX, which, no doubt, hurt her in this year’s competition. We miss you Kristabel, but that was last year.

 

This year, NCJ readers cast more votes for Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do, and we took a bigger slice of the overall pie, up from 2.5% of the vote to 3.2%, which moved us up in the standings enough to tie for fourth. It’s just a shame that I had to tie with the artless, pointless, senseless idiocy of Eric Kirk, Heraldo and their ilk at the Humboldt Herald.

 

I’m better than that. I mean, I write drivel, but I don’t write that kind of drivel. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that vacuous political agita has a following around here, but the fact that the Humboldt Herald even placed in this contest speaks poorly of North Coast Journal readers.

 

Above us in the poll, no surprises. In first place: Lost Coast Outpost, the online hub of the Ferndale media empire, Lost Coast Communications. With four commercial radio stations feeding it traffic, former NCJ “Town Dandy”, and computer whiz Hank Sims aggressively building it into a local media powerhouse, and now with Redheaded Blackbelt Kym Kemp on the team, Lost Coast Outpost has become Humboldt County’s first source for news and information.

 

In the poll, Lost Coast Outpost took 34.4 percent of the vote, with Kym Kemp’s Redheaded Blackbelt taking another 6.8%, and coming in third on her own. That’s over 41% of the vote for Lost Coast Outpost. Yes, the Lost Coast Outpost, and Lost Coast Communications casts a growing shadow over the media landscape here in Humboldt County.

 

LCC’s KHUM, “Radio Without the Rules” took first place in the “Best Radio Station” category, and another LCC station, KSLG finished second. Both of these commercial stations beat out both of our beloved community radio stations, KHSU and KMUD, which polled third and fourth respectively. As a blogger, I don’t generally consider myself in competition with local news media outlets like Lost Coast Outpost, and LCC, but KMUD is, and I hope that KMUD is up to it, because LCC is clearly growing, and hungry.

 

I couldn’t believe Lost Coast Outpost’s new feature, as hyped by the NCJ. They now have an automatic feed from law enforcement agencies that posts an entry every time a cop arrests someone in Humboldt County. Each post states who got arrested, and what they are charged with. Now, if you get arrested in Humboldt County, Lost Coast Outpost readers will know about it, hours before you even get to make a phone call. Is that creepy or what?

 

I promise you this: if you get arrested in Humboldt County, or anywhere, for that matter, your mother is not going to find out about it by reading my blog. Who wants to monitor a feed of arrests in Humboldt County? What does voting for a site like that, say about NCJ readers? Speaking of which…

 

Second place in the North Coast Journal readers poll, “best blog” category, went to the North Coast Journal’s own “blog thing” which took only 9.1% of the vote. If the North Coast Journal can’t get at least 10% of their own readers to vote for their blog, even though they put full page ads for it in their paper every week, how lame is that?

 

So that’s it, Lost Coast Communications, The North Coast Journal, Heraldo, and me, the best of the blogosphere in Humboldt County, at least according to readers of The North Coast Journal. Besides trending towards the petulant, petty and prying, North-Coast Journal readership tends to skew towards the northern part of the county. They don’t cover us much down here, so we tend to ignore The NCJ in SoHum.

 

Nothing from SoHum won “best of” anything in the NCJ readers poll, and only four SoHum based things even placed in the top five, in any category. I already mentioned Kym Kemp’s Redheaded Blackbelt (third best blog), and KMUD (fourth best radio station). The Mateel Community Center placed fifth in the “best music venue” category, and this blog: Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do, placed fourth in the category of “best blog”, all proudly representing SoHum.

 

Thank you, dear readers, for voting for this blog, and supporting my work here. Enough of you believed in this blog enough, and stood up for what you believe in enough, to give Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do more votes than 99% of all of the blogs in Humboldt County, more votes than any other humor blog, more votes than any other personal blog, more votes than all but two local media outlets, and exactly as many votes as the single most popular political blog in the county.

 

That’s power, people. We went head-to-head against big-money media in cyberspace, and we made the cut. Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do is a player. So what if we tied with a sack of rancid troll bait.


I Run a Clean Positive Campaign

I Run a Clean, Positive Campaign

 

As you may know, this political season finds me in the midst of a hotly contested campaign. We’ve faced some difficult challenges so far, but thanks to a tremendous effort by the amazing readers who support this blog, we’ve put an end to electoral shenanigans at the NCJ. Now we have to win the election.

We only have until Sept 5, that’s next Weds., to get AS MANY VOTES AS POSSIBLE in to the NCJ “Best of Humboldt” reader survey. This critical deadline means that you need to cast your ballot Today!  I cannot stress enough, how important it is to vote for “Like You’ve Got Something Better to Do” in the North Coast Journal’s “Best of Humboldt” reader survey. Please do it RIGHT NOW!!!

 

The future hangs in the balance. Raising the profile of this blog, to the status of “Best of Humboldt” could have a dramatic effect on the scope of public debate, politics and policy, here in Humboldt County. I know that seems extraordinarily unlikely, but you have the power to make it happen. Please, take that critical step. Vote for “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” as “best blog” in the NCJ “Best of Humboldt” reader survey.

Regardless, of the high-stakes, I want to keep this a clean, positive campaign. This campaign has always been about the strength of the material here at “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do”, not about badmouthing other, less deserving blogs. However, as you undoubtedly know, the gloves are off when it comes to campaign spending. In this environment, I cannot afford to tell my larger donors not to form a SuperPAC.

Law prohibits SuperPACs from coordinating with the campaign of the candidate they support. So, I have no control whatsoever over anything this new SuperPAC, “Swiftblog Inveterates With Nothing Better To Do” does or says. The “Swiftblog Inveterates With Nothing Better To Do”, in turn, cannot say anything to endorse me or my campaign, but will work to raise important facts about the Humboldt county blogosphere that they feel every NCJ reader should know.

Please remember, that unless you see my name, John Hardin, specifically endorsing an ad, I have nothing whatsoever to do with it. I know the onslaught of negative political ads becomes tiresome. I’m sure you are sick of the twisted misrepresentations, the extreme lowbrow appeal, and the just plain ugly tone of politics these days. I am sick of it too, that’s why I run this campaign on the strength of what you read here at “Like you’ve Got Something Better To Do”.

I work hard to make “Like You’ve got Something better To Do” entertaining, to present thought provoking essays, and to show up every fucking week. Whether its a poem, a “Word Power” vocabulary word, an “On The Money” economic advice column, or a “You Call That Cooking” food story, “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” delivers steaming hot blog posts to your device of choice, every fucking week.

That’s dedication. That’s service. That’s the kind of blog I run here at “Like You’ve Got Something Better to Do”. You can count on me, because I’ve proven that I can deliver the goods.

Today, I need you to deliver the goods. Please, click this link. It takes you to the NCJ website, click on the long skinny button that takes you to the ballot. Click through to the very last category, the type in (or copy and paste) “Like You’ve Got Something Better To Do” next to the category labeled “Best Blog” then click through till you see the kitten with wings. That’s all it takes. Please do it now!!! Thank you. I am John Hardin, and I endorse this message.


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