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Category Archives: celebraties

Take Your Kids to the Beach

Take Your Kids to the Beach

kids to beach

In recent weeks, beach-goers from Santa Barbara to San Diego have discovered over 1,000 dead and dying sea lion pups on the beach. Apparently undernourished from birth, these pups did not put on enough blubber from mother’s milk, and once weaned, failed to find enough to eat on their own.

California sea lion

Without an adequate layer of blubber, sea lions cannot maintain the body temperature that a warm blooded mammal needs to survive in the cold water, so they come up on the beach to sun themselves, and warm up. Unfortunately they don’t find anything to eat on the beach either, and eventually they expire from starvation.

sea lion strandings-2817.jpg.0x545_q100_crop-scale

Wildlife rescuers in Southern CA have been overwhelmed with calls about these poor pups, but there’s little they can do. No one has the facilities to care for hundreds of starving sea lion pups. Everyone equipped to handle sea lions, has their hands full right now. Sometimes they relocate the pups to more secluded beaches, in hopes that they will find more food. Sometimes they euthanize the animals.

sea lion pups

Last year, persistent readers will recall, I wrote about starving pelicans here on the Northern CA coast. Pelicans and sea lions both eat fish, or at least they would, if they could find them. These deaths are not the result of some exotic new disease spreading through the ecosystem. These deaths indicate a precipitous drop in the ocean’s fecundity. It’s a very bad sign. I don’t want to call it a “wake-up call”, because so many so called “wake-up calls” have gone unheeded, so I’ll simply call it another ghastly, heartbreaking consequence of deliberate human indifference to the natural world.

stranding rate

At least people see them. People should have to see this kind of thing. Take your kids to the beach. Show them a dying sea lion pup, starving to death on the sand. Explain to them that because we’ve replaced most of the phytoplankton in the ocean with pulverized plastic from soda bottles, shrink wrap, plastic bags, toys, medical equipment, electronic gadgets, car parts etc etc, the ocean can’t provide enough oxygen or food to support as much life as it did fifty years ago, or even ten years ago.

Rescued Sea Lion Pups At Sea World San Diego

Remember that famous scene in The Graduate, where the older businessman whispers to Dustin Hoffman one word of advice for his future? “Plastics”, he says. Around the same time Andy Warhol predicted “The Exploding Plastic Inevitable”. With the ubiquity of plastic today, it’s hard to remember a time when soda came in returnable, not recyclable, glass bottles, when they made car bumpers out of chrome plated steel instead of easily shattered plastic, and when electronic devices had metal or wood cabinets, and lasted for decades.

the-graduate----plastics

Fifty years later, an island the size of Texas, newly recognized by the United Nations as “Garbage Island”, composed almost entirely of plastic, has formed in the Pacific Ocean. Today, plastic has its own homeland, and it grows every day. Every day, tons of plastic debris finds its way into the Pacific Ocean to make the pilgrimage to Garbage Island. Over the course of decades, endless churning, salt water and sunlight slowly pulverize it into microscopic bits.

garbagepile

These microscopic bits of inorganic, non-biodegradable plastic absorb sunlight, preventing it from penetrating the ocean’s depths and choke off phytoplankton, the foundation of the ocean food chain, and the source of most of the world’s atmospheric oxygen. In less than half a century, about half of all the phytoplankton in the Pacific Ocean has been replaced by these microscopic bits of plastic.

floating plastic garbage

Oddly, considering how long plastic lasts, plastic has become the foundation of our disposable economy. Almost nothing lasts longer than plastic, and almost nothing can digest it. Yet, we produce billions of one-time-use products from it, every year. When burned, plastic produces deadly bio-accumulative carcinogenic poison, in landfills it lasts almost forever, and in the ocean, it gets ground into fine floating particles that choke out life.

algalita

No, it’s not a wake-up call. It’s too late for that. Go to the beach. Look those pups in the eye as they die of starvation, and explain to your children what has happened in your lifetime. Tell your kids that fifty years ago, they would have seen thousands of healthy sea lions, as well as seals and otters, and that there was plenty of fish for all of them to eat. Tell them that for every bird they see, there were once twenty or forty, but that they all died so that you could live a high-consumption, middle-class fantasy, and now, even that fantasy is dying.

gut_plastic_ocean_girl_project_hawaii

 

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Crack Heads, Flu Season, Fake Crises and Bill Gates

Crack Heads, Flu Season, Fake Crises and Bill Gates

 gates gilligan

Look, I know most of you don’t read this blog to learn about economics or for articles about science. You should. Just because I’m a fool, doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I know you don’t give a shit about economics or science, you just want me to say something stupid enough for you to chuckle at, and make it snappy. I know I’m just a short stop on your craven quest for amusement.

craven cigarettes

For you, immediate gratification takes too long. You don’t want context, edification, or even a set-up. You don’t even want to read a punchline, you just want the punch. You’re looking for a crack-house where you can free-base funny. Even a one-liner is too long, if it’s over 140 characters. You’re like, alright, I’ll read one line, but skip the vowels and punctuation, I haven’t got all day.

twit-on-twitter

So flu season is upon us again. This year many Americans will contract the Mexican Swine Flu because they can no longer afford German Measles. I suggest they hold out for the Chinese Bird Flu. I’m sure it will be a bargain. Some people won’t be able to make up their minds, they’ll be like “Mexican or Chinese… I had Chinese for lunch, I’ll have Mexican flu this year”. With the Chinese Bird Flu you wish you were dead, and you think you can fly, but if you sweat it out 14 hours a day seven days a week you can survive it. Speaking of China, what do people in China call their nice plates? …And why doesn’t anyone catch American made diseases anymore?

chinese bird flu

Speaking of American made diseases, while Congress wrestles with the ‘Fiscal Cliff” and the “Debt Ceiling” I though I might help them get a jump on their next fake crisis scam. How about these fake-crisis-scam names:

Scam alert

“Taxageddon”

taxageddon

“Financial Firestorm”

financial firestorm

“The Deathstar of Debt”

DeathStar of debt

“Economic Tsunami”

economic tsunami

“Entitlement Apocalypse”

entitlement apocalypse

“Health-Care Holocaust”

health care holocaust

“Thermonuclear Budget Bomb”

bubget bomb

Don’t those all sound scary? I now own the copyright to all of these fake-crisis-scam names, and dozens more. I would be happy to license any of them to Congress and the media.

contract

I got this brilliant idea after I realized that if I had a nickle for every time a politician or media pundit mentioned “the Fiscal Cliff”, I could afford to hire Bill Gates to empty my ashtray and clean my bong. So keep some pipe cleaners in your pocket-protector Bill, the next fake crisis scam is right around the corner.

pocket protecter w pipe cleaners

 

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Doping Hurts Everyone, Especially Drug Enthusiasts

Doping Hurts Everyone, Especially Drug Enthusiasts

 

Well they stripped Lance Armstrong of his 7 Tour de France titles, leaving those races unwon in the annals of international cycling. As a recreational drug user, you might think that since I take drugs myself, it wouldn’t bother me so much that athletes use steroids, human growth hormone and god knows what else to improve their performance, but you’d be wrong. I find this explosion of the use of performance enhancing drugs particularly insidious, and it really pisses me off.

Like life doesn’t suck enough for people of normal abilities, now they have to worry about everyone else using drugs to edge them out of jobs, sports, college, game shows and even dates.  I remember cocaine as the first popular performance enhancing drug, and look at what a nightmare that turned into. I don’t think we have recovered yet, as a society, from the damage it caused.

Before cocaine, we took drugs to impair performance, or at least we accepted that side-effect as part of the experience. No one thought of partying as particularly competitive. We took drugs because they made us feel good, not because they made us feel better than other people.

Cocaine changed all of that. Suddenly, partying became a competitive sport. It wasn’t enough anymore, to smoke a joint, have a few drinks, relax and unwind with your friends. Instead, while you got quietly shitfaced, your friends all started talking faster than a caffeinated auctioneer. They were still dancing at 2:00 AM, when most decent people have already passed out in a puddle of their own vomit.

Most of them didn’t even dance before cocaine, but after the cocaine, if you wanted to hang with them, it was going to cost you. Then, all of these cocaine people started to get really competitive at work, because they needed more money to afford all of the cocaine they took. They started identifying with the boss’ greed more than with their coworkers interests.

Cocaine had as much to do with the collapse of labor unions in America as Ron Reagan, and the two worked together, hand in glove. Instead of standing together, we were all too busy running back and forth to the bathroom, trying to get the edge on each other, selling each other out, and screwing each other over.

All of those cocaine idiots eventually crashed and burned, but we’ve never recovered, as a nation, from the moral decay we suffered as a result of the cocaine epidemic. To this day, we remain a nation of greedy, superficial, backbiting egomaniacs. That’s real damage, folks! Cocaine turned us into a nation of assholes who systematically exterminate human decency for profit.

It’s not enough just to show up for work anymore. Now, they expect you to push yourself to exhaustion, just like a coke-head, and they’re always pushing you to improve your performance, because everything is so competitive these days. Why, do you suppose, is everything so competitive these days? It’s because cocaine turned us all against each other, and we’ve never been able to trust each other since.

I still enjoy drugs, but I take them because they feel good, or because I want to have a drug experience, not because I think they give me an edge over other people. People like Lance Armstrong, who strive to be exceptional, and especially those who juice themselves with performance enhancing drugs, make life harder for the rest of us who just want to show up, go through the motions, and draw a paycheck. For that, they should be punished severely.

 

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Barbie v Bratz

Barbie v Bratz

 

For a middle-aged guy, I spend a lot of time prowling the toy section of our local thrift stores. As you can imagine, “Barbie”, the Grand Dame of Mattel’s gigantic toy empire, remains a ubiquitous presence in the racks of pre-abused toys I regularly survey. The last time I visited the thrift store in the Manilla Community Ctr, I found a a clear plastic shoebox full of naked Barbie dolls. They must have had at least 30 naked Barbie dolls in that box.

 

Of course, that many Barbie dolls would not fit in a shoebox if they were all facing the same way. Sure, you could fit 30 pairs of Barbie doll feet in at one end of the box, but the boobs of thirty Barbie dolls would surely topple over, and spill out at the other end of the box. So, to fit them all in the box, these Barbies were stacked head-to-toe in a kind of multiple 69 configuration. I’m not sure whether it looked more like a big-haired lesbian orgy, or an all-blonde mass grave, but lets just say that the image of that shoebox full of naked Barbies has stayed with me, perhaps a bit longer than I’d like.

I’ve always found Barbie a bit disturbing. I’ve seen “Superstar; The Karen Carpenter Story”, and I’ve seen some amusing, if not inspiring dioramas, starring Barbie, assembled by an artist with a dark sense of humor, but, I’ve never seen Barbie dolls look quite so disquieting, as they did in that shoebox a few weeks ago at the Manilla Community Ctr. Thrift Store. I don’t think that’s a great way to sell Barbie dolls, personally, but whatever. What’s done is done. I guess I’ll shake it off someday.

 

That’s how it is with Barbie. I can’t say she’s unattractive, but everything about her is just a little creepy. Besides the fact that her boobs are too hard and pointy, there’s something just a little psychotic in her facial expression. She’s trying too hard. Barbie always looks phony, and just a little too ambitious. It’s not a good kind of ambition, if there is such a thing.

 

Barbie’s expression says “I know I’m beautiful, and I like to go on dates, but I’m in love with Jesus, and I’m saving myself for marriage.” Or, that she’s a perpetual beauty pageant contestant, trying desperately to convince us that she’s perfect, until that day she killed 14 people in a Starbucks in San Diego. You can see it in her eyes, she’s looking right at you, but doesn’t see you at all. She’s in her own little world, totally focused on trying to live up to her own unrealistic expectations of herself. Who wants to spend their time around that? Not me.

 

I understand that Barbie was originally marketed to middle-aged men of questionable taste, such as myself. Apparently, Barbie dolls, then called “Lili” dolls, clad in only a negligee, became a popular item, sold in bars in Germany in the 50s. Named after a sexy, sassy, buxom young female comic strip character of the same name, “Lili” dolls hung from rear-view mirrors all over Europe. The 50′s era design explains Barbie’s pointy, 18hr, cross-your-heart bra, missile tits, but I still don’t like her.

Original Lili doll

Yes, Mattel really hit pay-dirt when they started marketing this sexy plaything to young girls. You can’t argue with success. My survey of Humboldt thrift stores tells me that Barbie has achieved complete market saturation. If there is a little girl in America who does not have a Barbie, its only because her mom forbade her from having a Barbie. As a result, she will grow up obsessed with Barbies and collect them compulsively.

I’m sure lots of little girls grow up without playing with Barbie dolls, but at least they always knew that Barbie was available to them. Hell, I even played with Barbie, once or twice myself. I seem to vaguely recall helping Barbie drive her Corvette over a cliff at some point in my distant past, and I still want one of those new “Video Barbies”. Have you seen “Video Barbie”?

 

Video Barbie has a video camera in her neck, a TV screen in her back, and a serial port between her legs, so you can upload the video you shoot with Barbie to youtube and facebook with your computer. I’ve made enough documentaries to know that very few people ever get entirely comfortable in front of a video camera. I’m not sure they’d be any more comfortable with a middle-aged man pointing a Barbie doll with a tracheotomy at them, but its worth a shot.

 

That pretty much sums up how I feel about Barbie, but the Bratz dolls are another story all together. I like the Bratz. I really like the Bratz. I mean, I know they are too young for me, and I don’t, like, know their names or anything, but I think they are cute, and not in a fluffy kitty sort of way.

 

Bratz dolls never fail to turn me on. The Bratz dolls aren’t as stacked as Barbie, but they have cute figures, and they like to show off their belly buttons. I don’t think Barbie even has a belly button, but what really gets me about the Bratz dolls, is the way they look at me.

 

I can’t help notice them looking at me. They’re eyes are at least three times as big as their boobs, and they look at me the way real women never do, at least not when I’m rifling through a shelf of stuffed animals at a thrift store. Then I notice the Bratz luscious full pouting lips, almost as wide as their own hips, and I can’t help but think to myself, “I’ll bet these Bratz give memorable Bjs.”

 

So, when I found out that Barbie was suing the Bratz for copyright infringement, I immediately sided with the Bratz. The lawsuit seemed ridiculous to me. Bratz look nothing like Barbie. The Bratz are so much hotter than Barbie, so much cooler than Barbie and so much more appealing than Barbie. How could that bitch even think they were copying her? “She’s just jealous.” I thought.

 

I was shocked and heartbroken when the ruling came down and Barbie won the trial. Apparently, Barbie, or more accurately, Mattel, spent big bucks on the research and development of the Bratz, but because Mattel determined that Bratz dolls were only going to hurt sales of Barbie dolls, Mattel shelved the Bratz project. A Mattel employee, Carter Bryant, who worked on the Bratz project, and obviously became as smitten with them as I am, jumped ship, and started his own toy company, MGA Entertainment, launching the Bratz himself, and going head-to-head with Mattel in the super-sexy teenage doll market. That’s how the Bratz were born, and that’s how the Bratz almost died.

 

After the trial, the judge ordered that all Bratz dolls and toys be removed from store shelves. That didn’t effect thrift stores though. I continued to encounter Bratz in the thrift stores pretty regularly. By the time of the trial, literally billions of units of cheap plastic Bratz crap had spread to every corner of the globe. I know that globes don’t literally have corners, but suffice it to say that enough Bratz products had been manufactured by that point to form a distinct layer of Bratz sediment in the Earths fossil record.

 

When I would see Bratz dolls in the thrift stores during that time, they reminded me of just how corrupt our criminal justice system really is. Leonard Peltier and Mumia Abdul Jamal are still in prison, the drug war continues unabated, and now this. The Bratz became a symbol of injustice and oppression to me. That flawed ruling only made me love the Bratz that much more.

 

Even so, I never wanted to own any of the Bratz dolls. I’m not that kind of guy. I like the way they look, and I like the way they look at me, but I’m not the possessive type. I just like that they are around, and its nice to see them at the thrift store once in a while. I’m not a collector, and I didn’t try to make money off of people’s fond memories of them, as Bratz dolls became more scarce over time. So, I cheered when an appeals court overturned the trial verdict, and ordered Barbie to pay the Bratz $310 million. Last I heard, Bratz had taken 40% of the “fashion doll market” away from Barbie. Woo-hoo!

 

Now, I hope the Bratz crush Barbie once and for all, and if there’s a god in heaven, please don’t ever let me see another shoebox full of naked Barbies ever again. I know that this whole Barbie vs Bratz thing blew over last year, so this is by no means news. I’m excited about the Bratz today because I just bought my very first Bratz electronic toy.

 

I found this Bratz brand, pink and black electronic drum machine, that looks like a giant padded training bra, in the Garberville thrift store for $1. Looking online, couldn’t find any evidence that anyone else has ever circuit-bent this model of toy before, and I could only find one picture of it online, in an Ebay auction, used, for $9.99. I’m eager to explore the untapped potential of this sexy, somewhat rare, Bratz padded drum bra, and I look forward to having the Bratz in my growing circuit-bent orchestra soon.

For sale on Ebay, $9.99

Postscript: Having spent a while looking at pictures of the Bratz in preparation of this post. I have to admit that these mantis faced Bratz creep me out every bit as much as Barbie. I think I may need to see a fashion doll trauma counselor, but I still like my new drum bra.

 

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You Know…The Guy with the Really Smart Gorilla

You Know…The Guy with the Really Smart Gorilla

 

Tomorrow, Thursday June 7, starting at 7pm on KMUD, as part of Women’s Radio Collectively, my partner, Amy Gustin, will present an interview with acclaimed author and social critic, Daniel Quinn. 

Daniel Quinn’s most widely read book, Ishmael, about a particularly erudite gorilla of the same name, won the Turner Tomorrow Fellowship in 1991, has been translated into more than 25 languages, and remains in print, now 20 years after its initial publication, but Ishmael is even better than that. If you haven’t read Ishmael, you owe it to yourself to do so, without delay.

 

Quinn, now in his 70s, made time to talk to Amy, by phone, from his home near Houston TX about the ideas he presents in his books: Ishmael, My Ishmael, The Story of B, and Beyond Civilization. Quinn offers a new view of history that traces the roots of civilization, the human population explosion, and the man-made environmental crisis, to the emergence of a peculiar form of agriculture that overturned the balance of nature some 10,000 years ago.

 

Quinn’s books will change the way you look at humanity and our culture, and might change the course of history, if we are lucky. I hope you will tune in. For more information about this radio show, as well as Amy’s other Quinn related radio shows, go to her blog:  Living Earth Connection

 

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Bin Laden’s Porn

Bin Laden’s Porn

 

I heard today that, since it’s now been one year since the raid on Osama Bin Laden’s compound in Abatabad, the Federal Government plans to release to the public, many of the documents seized in the raid in which Bin Laden was killed. I’m sure some people wonder what we could learn about the Al Quaida terrorist network, and how much of a threat they pose to our national security, but not me. I have only one question about the documents seized by Seal Team 6 one year ago: What kind of porn was Osama into?

 

You can tell a lot about a guy by his porn collection. Is he into au-natural Swedish women in outdoor settings, or does he like raunchy Hustlereque genital closeups? Does he like Ukrainian women in leather and latex, or does he like to see Japanese women tied in knots? Do you think Osama leered at American porn? Do you think he was looking at tanned buxom American blondes stretched out on SoCal beaches, or a severe-looking Manhattan dominatrix in stiletto heels? Maybe he’s into “Sploshing”, a kind of British porn involving messy food. We need to know.

 

Is there any Arab porn? I suppose there must be, but I’ve never seen it. What is that like? One thing I remember about the protest marches in SF before the Iraq invasion, is that there sure are a lot of hot Arab women. I’m sure some of them could be persuaded to pose nude, maybe on a nice rug with big smiles and come hither eyes, or with a ball gag and dildo. I don’t know, I am just speculating here.

 

Do you think women pose with guns in Arab porn? I’ll bet that’s a popular theme. I’m sure it would be more popular here in the US, but some Americans are just not that comfortable with firearms. We’d rather watch women rub up against cars, or trucks or motorcycles, or backhoes or mufflers or even garden fertilizer, as I saw depicted recently. I wonder if arms dealers in Kabul send out promotional calendars featuring olive skinned beauties posing with Kalashnikov rifles and RPGs. Just wondering….

 

I really think it would help bridge the cultural gap between the Muslim and the Christian worlds, if they made Osama’s porn public. It would remind us all just how much we all have in common. We both embrace sexually repressed, dysfunctional fundamentalist beliefs. If we also both embrace the commercial exploitation of depersonalized, dehumanized and commodified sexual imagery, that is a lot to have in common. You’d think we’d get along better.

 

In fact, they should have a huge art show. Osama’a collection won’t be enough on its own, but by now, millions of pornographic images have been seized from defrocked Catholic priests. I’m sure that would make some show all on its own, but they should collect porn from priests, rabbis, mullahs, sheiks, lamas, yogis, zen masters, and any other free agent holy men they can find. Call the show “The Porn of the Pious”.

 

Curate the collection in a way that preserves the diversity and breadth of clerical pornography, and presents a selection that could be viewed comfortably in an afternoon. Well, “comfortably” might be too much to ask, but at least they could frame it, light it well, have a reception, serve Chablis and Brie, and let people decide for themselves. Doncha think?

 

I’d go. That collection would represent the most private thoughts, and deepest desires of some of the most trusted and influential men on the planet. How could anyone deny the cultural significance of such a show? Can you even imagine a more culturally relevant art show?

 

When I said “men” there, I don’t mean to imply sexism. If, and I have never heard of such a thing, but if, some woman has managed to achieve a clerical position in one of the few religions that don’t discriminate against women, and been arrested with a heap of pornography, I want to see her collection too.

 

I can imagine that some former porn star, who found Jesus and then went on to become a preacher might want to hold on to some mementos of her former life, but I’m just fantasizing here. I know some women do enjoy and collect pornography, but not many, and not many of them also harbor clerical aspirations. While I fear that women will be under-represented, in terms of their clerical porn collections, I expect that they will be well represented, in terms of the subject matter therein, at least I hope so.

 

This show just might turn out to be a bit more disturbing than that, but I won’t speculate. I just think we should all see it. We should all see what the people who tell us to “look to God” all over the world, really like to look at. I think we’d find it enlightening, perhaps even instructive.

 

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Why Guitar Players Have Better Love Lives

Why Guitar Players Have Better Love Lives

 

Ever since the heyday of rock music, when throngs on eager nubile young groupies swarmed guitarists like Frank Zappa, Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix, most folks have assumed that the only reason young men learn to play the guitar, is to score with women. This is true, but only because the only reason men do anything, besides drink and fart, is to score with women.

Is that Robert Fripp on the right?

From the quarterback on the high-school football team, to the class clown, to the most studious bookworm to the biggest burnout, the only reason a guy exerts any effort at anything, is to impress women, starting with his mother. Unfortunately, most of the things that guys do to impress women, completely fail to do so.

 

How often have you heard women complain about the stupid things men do, that they hate, and all the things they wish men would do, but they don’t? What causes this disconnect between the stupid things men do to impress women, and the stupid things women want men to do?

A large part of this problem stems from the fact that men, especially young men, do not understand how women think. Men cannot fathom why women dress the way they do, why they concern themselves with their appearance, why they like colors, why they think a movie needs more than boobs and explosions to be good, and why they would hesitate, for even a second, at any opportunity to have consensual sex. Men cannot comprehend any of this.

Further, men don’t want to comprehend any of this. Its not that we don’t care, we are actively, fingers stuffed in our ears, la, la, la, la, Not Listening. We don’t want to understand why women worry about their appearance because we don’t want to worry about our appearance. We like black. We like boobs, and we like explosions.

Most of all, we don’t ever want to pause and reflect on whether sex is a good idea under any circumstance. We want to find new ways to overcome women’s objections to sex under any circumstance. Men know that women are smarter. Men also know that men are stronger. Men think that the extra knowledge that women have, makes women weak, and gives men an edge. So, men do not want to know what women think, or how women think. The idea that women think at all still frightens us.

So, how do men decide what they will do to impress the women around them? They certainly will not ask the women around them. No, instead they will look within themselves. A man looks at what impresses him; professional athletes, Green Berets, NASCAR Drivers, Hollywood stunt men, comedians, and the guy who plays lead guitar in his favorite band.

Men seek to impress the women around them by emulating the people that impress them Men play sports, or engage in other silly behavior like driving too fast, doing skateboard tricks, telling stupid jokes, joining the Marines, or learning to play the guitar. Men exert tremendous time, money and energy, learn to discipline themselves, and risk injury or death in these activities, to impress women who, by and large, don’t care about sports, NASCAR, war, action movies, or heavy metal music.

A few men have an exceptional natural talent in these areas, and among them a few even manage to make a career for themselves, simply with their flawless execution of these otherwise stupid, fruitless, and dangerous activities. The rest of us, even though we completely fail to to achieve our own goals, come out of the experience shaken, wounded, and broke, but more or less satisfied that we’ve given it our best shot.

Whether it was the one season you won the pennant, that 1st tour in Afghanistan, or the night your band rocked the house, these events define us, shape our lives, and make us who we are. What finally succeeds in making us attractive to women, is that we are satisfied with ourselves, even when we fail.

Women are never satisfied with themselves. They envy our self-satisfaction, and like being around someone who isn’t always worried about how they look, or what people say about them. Ultimately that’s why women love us.

However, some of the stupid things we do to impress women in our youth, don’t leave us in very good shape for building relationships with the women who actually love us. For instance; many servicemen returning from combat find it very difficult to readjust to civilian life. War injuries, combat related stress, and military experience in general can have a deleterious effect on a man’s ability to enjoy, and fully participate in a relationship.

Sports fosters competitiveness. Competitiveness does not necessarily help in a relationship, either.

Guitar players, on the other hand, develop strong, sensitive fingers. A guitar player knows how to listen. A guitar player can work with others without competing. A guitar player can tell when a relationship is working, and when it isn’t, and a guitar player knows how to express emotion.

For these reasons, of all of the stupid things that men do to impress women, learning to play the guitar turns out to be very effective in the long run.

 

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On The Money, A Movie About Money

On The Money

Financial Advice For The Working-Class

A Movie About Money

 

I saw an interesting film last night. That’s not quite right. Actually, I found it a rather dull film, a dull film with atrocious dialogue, characters I did not care about, an a weak story that just ran out of gas and died, literally.

 

Other than that, I’d call Mira Nair’s Amelia, a stunning and magnificent masterwork. The cinematography took my breath away. The film takes us into a slightly sepia-toned fantasy world of opulence, excess and exploitation. I say “fantasy world” because although allegedly set in America during the Great Depression, Amelia had a dream-like other-worldly quality that seemed completely unreal.

 

No one in the thirties would have said “Thank you for not getting defensive.”, as one character did in Amelia. The rest of the equally bland dialogue contributed little to the characters, the story or least of all the setting. Amelia reminded me of Star Trek crew members playing a holodeck game, like people from another world inhabiting an idealized imitation of a particular era.

 

Rather than a realistic depiction of opulence, which never completely manages to hide its true ugliness, in Amelia, we see greed and avarice portrayed as an almost heavenly state of grace. In Amelia we see an aspirational, idealized portrayal of wealth, designed more as an escape from reality for the economically downtrodden, than as a realistic portrayal of the life of Amelia Earhart.

 

Mira Nair really spared no expense on the visual impact of Amelia. In fact, the movie just reeks of money. I found myself wondering, “If they could afford all of this beautiful aerial photography, antique cars, aircraft and period costumes, why couldn’t they spring for some better writers?”

 

Gerbil Boy, Richard Gere spoke the most memorable line in the film, when he said; “I’m an American, and am therefore obligated to make as much money as possible.” In fact, the whole movie seemed to be about money, and everyone’s obligation to serve it. Both in the story, and in the production values, I felt bludgeoned by money, and I resented it.

 

Yes, money, not Amelia Earhart was the main character and subject of this film. In that sense Amelia succeeds in revealing the true character of its subject. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more spectacular display of emptiness in my entire life. While I don’t know any more about Amelia Earhart than I did before I saw Amelia, I found the movie interesting because of what it said about Mira Nair, Hollywood, and money, none of which is very flattering.

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2012 in celebraties, Finance, Humor, women

 

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Celebrity Word Power, Micturatious

Celebrity Word Power

Building Your Vocabulary One Famous Person At A Time

Micturatious!

 

Today’s Celebrity Word Power word, comes to us from Newt Gingrich, who included it in a comment he posted to this blog, a few weeks ago.

Micturatious (‘mick tyou ray shus) adj. With this one word, the Newt described the ad for my terrific new all natural biotech herbicide, and provided us a very rare specimen of a word. By taking the archaic, clinical verb, mic·tu·rate (‘mick tyou rate) intr.v meaning, to urinate, to piss, and converting it into an even more rarely used, perhaps never before used, adjective, he dropped us a lexicographer’s delight here at www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com.

 

We can only assume that by “micturatious” The former Speaker of the House meant “urinatious” if such a word existed, or perhaps “pissy”. Thank you, Mr. Speaker, for taking time out from your busy campaign to visit www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com and for leaving us such a treasure.

I wish you good fortune in your pursuit, and hope you have a micturatious future.

 

P.S. I encourage any and all celebrities to include their favorite unusual words in a comment here at www.lygsbtd.wordpress.com I don’t care how corrupt, evil or offensive you are, as long as I recognize your name, you count as a celebrity with me, and I’ll treat you as an honored guest.

 
 

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