Three Letters that Spell Success

Three Letters that Spell Success

 

I’ve noticed that two recently opened, and similarly themed, boutiques in Arcata and Garberville, have adopted cryptic, three-letter names. DTA, in Arcata and SHC in Garberville, both sport black walls, graffiti art, and prominently displayed sound equipment. Both shops look more like nightclubs than clothing stores, but they have no cover charge, and serve no drinks.

 

Can these places really pay the rent, from a few bins of silk screened T-Shirts, a couple racks of hoodies and a display case full of CDs by local artists? Maybe these shops exist simply to launder drug money, in which case, a lot of inventory might just get in the way. But maybe they noticed that guys who walk right past clothing stores, will walk into any shop that has a pile of sound equipment in the window, and will, if possible, buy their clothes there, even if they only sell one T-Shirt.

 

As a guy who’s lived most of his life in music store T-shirts, I guess they’ve got me pegged. I’ve been in both shops, and I almost never go into clothing stores, which you can easily tell by looking at me. Still, these places baffle me. I like big pubic-address speakers as much as the next guy, but I never really got on the “hoodie” bandwagon.

I’ve never worn a hoodie. A baja, sure, hooded shirt, yeah, but I just can’t picture myself looking good in a hoodie. I got nothing against hoodies. A lot of people seem to feel comfortable in them, and look really natural in them. I just think I look slouchy and disheveled enough, at my best, and I don’t really see myself as “thug” material.

 

Speaking of material, cotton knit hoodies, don’t keep you warm when they get wet. Cotton gets soggy and heavy, and at least one person around here has died of hypothermia, in 50 degree weather, wearing a really cool-looking, but wet, hoodie. Here in the woods of SoHum, whenever it’s cold enough to need clothes, its also raining, so I live in fleece. The squirrels and blue jays wouldn’t make fun of me any less, if I looked like I had more “street-cred”.

 

Despite what the squirrels say, cryptic three-letter monikers are clearly very edgy and hip right now. Two, three-letter clothing boutiques in Humboldt County, looks like a trend to me, so deal me in. My new boutique will have even bigger speakers, and fewer clothes than either DTA or SHC, and it will have actual cutting edges built into the architecture, so unless you’re very careful, you’ll need stitches before you leave.

 

I’ve also decided to launch my own line of urban street-wear, featuring my own bold, cutting edge, three-letter designs to go with my new boutique. (cue heavy hip-hop beat) Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Introducing:

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Here at LSD we grind up culture and spit out style, that aggressive, sub-literate, mean-spirited style that’s so popular with young people these days. We created these unbelievably crass and wildly inappropriate designs to suit today’s unbelievably crass consumers and their wildly inappropriate lifestyles. Here’s a sample:

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

 

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

 

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

 

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

 

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Here at LSD, we’re cool with feminism, and we’re hip to equality, but we know that sexiness is power, and we want to help women harness theirs, with our bold new designs. We know that all women are sexy, and no matter how stupid you feel wearing these designs, they’ll still look great on you, because you always look great, no matter how stupid your clothes look. So, check out these hot new designs for women in tight, titty-huggging tanks, and scoop neck tees that bounce your way.

 Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

 

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

 

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

 

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom, Boom Boom chicka chicka Boom Boom.

You don’t have to wait for an LSD Industries boutique to open up in your town, you can get these hot, trendy new designs right now at http://www.zazzle.com/lygsbtd* Sure they’re expensive, but I’m worth it. Get your own LSD today!!

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About john hardin

sometimes I'm joking. Sometimes I'm half-joking. Sometimes I'm serious. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference View all posts by john hardin

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