The Econolines of Doom

The Econolines of Doom

 

You have, of course, heard that even though Pakistan is so porous that Osama Bin Laden himself could comfortably take up residence there, the Pakistani nuclear arsenal is completely secure, and in the hands of the Pakistani military. Would you like to guess how the Pakistani military “secures” these weapons?

 

The Pakistani military employs a fleet of white, unmarked, Ford Econoline vans. Each of them contain one nuclear warhead. Dubbed the “Econolines of Doom” these vans travel on the roads and highways of Pakistan with no apparent escorts or other defenses of any kind. Each of the “Econolines of Doom” remain in constant transit, to prevent anyone from knowing exactly where they are.

 

The Pakistani military has decided that this is the best way to keep their nuclear weapons from falling into the wrong hands. Specifically, the wrong hands belonging to American Special Forces, who the Pakistanis suspect of trying to steal their nukes. Like we don’t have enough of our own.

 

So, I hope you sleep better at night knowing that all of Pakistan’s nuclear weapons are safely fighting their way through the congested streets and highways of a country where speed limits are unheard of, and brakes are considered optional equipment on a passenger car.