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Poison Oak Killer
Do you have pesky poison oak in your yard? Tired of the burning, itchy rash you get from touching it? Afraid to pull it up, because you know you’ll end up covered in weeping blisters you can’t resist scratching?
Well never fear, MyPee is here! MyPee, a safe, all natural formula, composed entirely of human urine. Specifically, my urine. Do not be fooled by imitations! While the urine of other humans may also kill poison oak, only MyPee has been rigorously tested in numerous field trials. Only my special proprietary formula has proven poison oak killing properties, and only MyPee caries my unconditional guarantee. I guarantee that if you are not completely satisfied with the quality of my urine, I will send you a replacement bottle for half price.
In field test after field test, MyPee kills poison oak every time. Now I’m making this magic formula available to you, the faceless, itchy masses. Now anyone can rid their yard of pesky poison oak, and save themselves the suffering and embarrassment of uncomfortable, unpleasant and unsightly poison oak rash.
But is it safe? You bet it is! MyPee is 100% natural, and safe enough to drink…everyday! It really doesn’t taste that great, but over ice, with a good bit of gin, its not so bad, once you get used to it.
Besides killing poison oak, Mypee has dozens of other uses around the home. No, really, I’m sure I can think of a few…like…I don’t know…maybe: Killing poison ivy. We don’t have poison ivy in CA, but some of you folks back east could give it a try. Oh yeah, here you go. You can pour MyPee on copper to give it that blue-green ver-di-gris finish.
I’d say you could use MyPee to pass a urinalysis drug test, except that I take drugs, probably more than you. You can use MyPee to fail a drug test, should you ever wish to do so. If you would like them to find a specific drug in a urine sample, send me the drugs, and I’ll happily brew you a special batch.
Or how about this scenario. You’re lost in the desert. You have no water, and the sun is cooking you alive. You’re just about to drink your own precious urine, but you just remembered that you have a bottle of MyPee in your backpack! You can save your own urine for another day. MyPee just saved your life!
Served over ice, with gin and an olive, a MyPeetini could save your life after a hard day at the office. Substitute a cocktail onion for the olive and you have a MyPee Gibson. Want something more exotic, How about a MyPee Maitai, a MyPee Margarita, or a MyPee Daiquiri. Like I said, “dozens of other uses around the home.”
But don’t take my word for it. Check out these endorsements:
Hippie Chicks, “John peed on all of the poison oak around our cabin, and all of the poison oak died. Now, if John would just leave us alone, everything would be great.
Old Farmer, “I been pissin’ on poison oak since before you were born. Now get off of my land before I have to shoot you!”
Science Nerds, “Well clearly the high nitrogen content in the urine burned the small plant. However, if you diluted the urine with enough water, blah blah blah blah blah…”
Aren’t you sick of people looking at you like you have leprosy? Haven’t you spent enough money on Calamine lotion for one lifetime? Wouldn’t you like people to remember your summer barbeques for something other than the itching? Well then, its time to get out your wallet, because MyPee can solve all of those problems for just $19.95 per 16oz bottle (plus $3.95 s+h). That’s enough to kill one small poison oak plant!
Yes, that’s right, during this special introductory offer, you can get 16oz of MyPee for the low, low price of 19.95 (plus$3.95s+h). Other specialty urine products sell for $50, $60 or even $100 an oz, but MyPee is such an amazing product, and has the ability to relieve so much suffering in the world, I feel it should be affordable to everyone.
Alas, even at this low price, many who suffer from poison oak cannot afford MyPee themselves. So, I set up a special program to help less fortunate poison oak sufferers, and ask you to participate. When you order MyPee, please donate to help these individuals. Just check the “Please Help” box on the order form, and give as much as you can possibly afford for the Piss-Poor Peasants With Poison Oak Foundation. That way everyone can enjoy blessed relief from the curse of poison oak in your yard.
Please Call Now!!